Are you looking for the perfect holiday gift for someone on your shopping list? I’d like to suggest the following:
1. Books and DVDs always make great gifts! Our online bookstore has a wide variety of fabulous resources for the children, adolescents, teachers, parents, grandparents, and other special people in your life. In the past week, we’ve added several new titles, including Carol Gray’s new Social Story™ book (Anniversary Edition—available in January), “See You Later, Procrastinator (Get it Done)!,” “Look Me in the Eye,” “Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success,” “Be Honest and Tell the Truth,” “What to Do When You’re Sad and Lonely” (and “Scared and Worried”), “Preparing for Life: The Complete Guide to Transitioning to Adulthood for those with Autism and Asperger Syndrome”), and “The Unwritten Rules of Friendship.” Through tomorrow evening, you can also take advantage of significant discounts on resources produced by The Gray Center—stock up and save as much as 80% on books and DVDs by Michelle Garcia Winner, Nick Dubin, Carol Gray, Sondra Williams, and Laurel Falvo!
2. How about a few social coaching sessions for yourself, your child, young adult, or for your family? Spend time in person or by phone working to develop new patterns or solutions, whether you’re dealing with transitioning to independence, getting more organized, or being more effective in school, at home, or on the job. More information is available on our web site.
3. Would you like your school district, parent group, or community to be better educated about autism spectrum disorders and the need for social understanding? Presentations also make a great gift! The Gray Center has several presenters available, and you may also have local talent available to provide this service. Contact info@thegraycenter.org if you’d like more information on presentations through The Gray Center.
4. Give the gift of encouragement! Look for a child or young person, parent or other family member, teacher or other professional, who could use a compliment or word of encouragement. It’s a fabulous way to spread some cheer this time of year!
5. Remember that The Gray Center can use YOUR gifts as 2009 comes to an end! Your financial support, book purchases, and volunteer labor all help us to accomplish our mission of promoting social understanding. Your assistance is always greatly appreciated! (You can make a tax-deductible donation safely and quickly online at www.thegraycenter.org).
Unlike many items on gift lists around the world (including some of those in my own home), I like to think of these options as “the gifts that keep on giving”–they have the potential to have a positive life-long impact on people’s lives!
With your help, The Gray Center is looking forward to another exciting year of programs and services. Thank you–we couldn’t do it without you!
Laurel Falvo, CFLE
Certified Family Life Educator
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
Over three years ago, I began sending a weekly “SUN News” article to people around the world who are working to promote social understanding. These articles have focused on autism spectrum disorders (ASD), social understanding, teaching, parenting, sensory integration, adolescence, Social Stories™ and other resources, new ways of viewing our parenting and teaching, and more. Many of you have written to express appreciation for these articles, and have shared your stories and your questions so that I have had an opportunity to learn from you, also. Your inspiration and encouragement have helped me send out over 160 weekly articles to date. Thank you!
Many of you have purchased books, DVDs, posters, and/or CDs from The Gray Center’s online bookstore, or participated in our workshops, conferences, groups, networks, and coaching services. The money you spend on Gray Center resources helps us to provide these valuable opportunities. Thank you!
By participating in the areas listed above, you have indicated that you need the information that The Gray Center provides. Through accessing our web site, calling or emailing our staff, or attending an event, you receive necessary—and hopefully valuable—information and support.
I’m writing today to ask you to do one more thing—“just because!” It’s something you can do to help The Gray Center and the people we serve. It’s an opportunity to impact the lives of individuals and families around the world.
I’m asking you to make a donation, in any amount you are able, “just because!”
Your “just because” may differ from that of another person reading this today. Perhaps you can identify with one or more of the following:
Maybe you are willing to give a donation “just because…”
- You have a child, sibling, parent, grandchild, friend, employee or student with autism—or you have been diagnosed with ASD or believe that you may be on the spectrum
- You have been receiving and benefiting from The SUN News—a resource which The Gray Center provides for free–for up to three years
- You have received assistance from a Gray Center staff member or from our web site
- You share in The Gray Center’s mission of promoting social understanding
- You are willing to give up a latte, dinner in a restaurant, or new purchase so that The Gray Center can use your gift to provide services to a family who is out of work and unable to access necessary resources and/or struggling with a new diagnosis or strategies for improving social effectiveness
- You care about The Gray Center’s ability to continue to provide these services, and recognize that in this difficult economy, we can’t do it without you
I know there are many wonderful organizations vying for your financial contributions, especially at this time of year. You likely encounter daily opportunities to spend your hard-earned money. We are honored that you continue to support The Gray Center with your time and your participation, but hope you’ll take a moment to give a financial gift, whether it’s $5, $25, $100, or $500… “just because!”
Thank you for supporting The Gray Center!
Laurel Falvo, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
You can give quickly and securely online at www.thegraycenter.org, or send a check to:
The Gray Center, 100 Pine St., Suite 121, Zeeland, MI 49464
Note that all donations are tax-deductible (in the US) and will be acknowledged with a letter/receipt.
(Please note that we will not be using the postal service to send a letter requesting donations. We are using our financial resources to meet people’s needs, rather than paying for paper and postage.)
If you shop online, please use www.iGive.com/graycenter as your gateway to surfing and shopping. The Gray Center receives donations from thousands of online merchants when you visit their sites and make purchases. (Installing the iGive toolbar on your browser is a great way to ensure that donations will be tracked and credited to The Gray Center).
ONE MORE NOTE: All Social Story™ resources are on SALE through tomorrow evening at www.thegraycenter.org as our way of saying “thanks” for your support!
This week many of us living in the USA will take a break to give thanks over the Thanksgiving holiday. Kids and school staff will be thankful for a break from school, as will all the others who get a welcome holiday from their work. Families will give thanks for the loved ones gathered around their table, as well as those who are far away.
At The Gray Center we are thankful for many things:
We give thanks for each one of you, and all that you are doing to promote social understanding and to support the Gray Center!
As a way of expressing our thanks to everyone on our new mailing list, this week we are giving $10 off your orders of $50 or more! (Haven’t yet subscribed? Email info@thegraycenter.org for more information).
Happy Thanksgiving, from all of us at The Gray Center, to all of you!
Laurel Falvo, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
(Please note that our office will be closed Thursday and Friday to enable our staff and volunteers to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday with our families. We will, however, be open on Saturday, November 28 from 9:30-11:00 a.m. if you’d like to stop in to peruse our library and bookstore.)
Do you have a “green thumb?” That term refers to someone who knows how to grow plants and help them flourish. Some people have either studied plant care, or just seem to know how to position the plants, water and feed them, and pinch off dead growth to encourage new growth. Plants under their care are healthy and productive.
The Gray Center needs some “green thumbs” to help our organization continue to grow! We’ve just celebrated ten years of service to the local and global communities. People around the world have benefitted from our services, resources, and web site at www.thegraycenter.org. We’re excited about the plans we have for the future, including a new web site which will be unveiled shortly, some new resources including a new Social Story book by Carol Gray, and new services such as social coaching and consulting. We continue to hear that we’re making a difference as we provide information and support to those who are working to promote social understanding with individuals with autism spectrum disorders. But we can’t do it without your help!
As you support The Gray Center with your tax-deductible donations, you can “grow” the following resources:
- “ASD to Z” is a booklet published by The Gray Center in 2005. The Gray Center has distributed more than 14,000 copies, many given free to families new to the diagnosis. Your gift of $5 enables us to mail one copy to someone who needs it. A gift of $1000 will enable us to publish a second companion resource, which will provide more in-depth information and support to parents, grandparents, siblings, professionals, and individuals with ASD.
- Young Adult Network: We have just added a second location for our young adult network. We have a fabulous group of over 20 people with ASD, ages 16 and older, who participate regularly. Many feel that they have nowhere else to receive this type of social interaction and instruction. Your gift of $100 enables one young adult to attend meetings and social events for a year, to form friendships, and to learn and practice valuable social skills. A gift of $3600 will enable The Gray Center to lease additional space for the next year, to provide a special place (with games, technology, and comfortable seating) for the young adults to gather on a regular basis.
- Social Coaching and Consulting: Many people need one-on-one assistance to get “unstuck” as they parent a child with ASD, or work to interact more effectively with others. Although The Gray Center has priced these sessions to simply cover our expenses, the economy has made it difficult for some to access this valuable service. Your gift of $100 will provide four months of on-going individual support for someone who desperately needs it.
- Our web site at www.thegraycenter.org is going to be redone this weekend, thanks to the generous support of GiveCamp and dedicated volunteers. Your financial contributions will allow us to make additional changes in the upcoming months to ensure that this resource can provide you with the information you need in order to continue to promote social understanding in your area of the world.
We’re excited about the growth The Gray Center has experienced during our first ten years of service to the local and global communities. We know that with your continued support, we will grow and flourish in the months and years ahead. Please consider making an online donation at www.thegraycenter.org, or mailing a check to The Gray Center, 100 Pine Street Suite 121, Zeeland, MI 49464.
Your holiday on-line shopping can also benefit The Gray Center at no additional expense to you by logging on through www.iGive.com/graycenter before you shop. And as always, your purchases at www.thegraycenter.org provide the necessary revenue for The Gray Center to continue to be a source of information and support around the world. Thank you!
Laurel Falvo, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
P.S. We hope you’ll join us for tonight’s “Proactive Parenting” meeting at The Gray Center in Zeeland (7:00-8:30 p.m.). Go to www.thegraycenter.org for more information.
Welcome to the SUN News–a weekly update for The Gray Center Social Understanding Network! I originally wrote this article in 2007, and have now posted it to our topic blog at http://thegraycenter.blogspot.com/. I hope you’ll add your own ideas and information there!
Several months ago I received the following e-mail from one of our SUN members:
“The mother of a student with ASD asked us today about how to handle her son’s anger at having been lied to by his parents about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa. He is a 5th grade student and has been told by a friend that all three are really his parents. He has been quite angry and has called his parents liars and said he is not sure he will be able to trust them again. He has a younger sister who is still a ‘believer.’ We realize that loss is playing a significant role here – this must come up for many, many kids with ASD. Do you have any suggestions for how to help this family handle the transition?”
I’m guessing that many of you can relate to this dilemma! I know that this issue comes up even in families that don’t have a loved one diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD)! I used to be a first grade teacher, and I remember the kids in my classroom getting into heated arguments about whether there really IS or ISN’T a Santa or a Tooth Fairy. Movie producers have some fun with this issue by creating movies such as “The Santa Clause” and “The Polar Express,” which inspire our fascination with the subject.
But while many kids grow up with a family tradition which promotes one of these beliefs, only to go through a period of revelation followed by ready acceptance, we know that for individuals with ASD, the loss and apparent deception can cause significant issues. The frustration and anger exhibited by this particular student is understandable!
So what are we to do? I would be as honest as possible with this student. Explain that these are “traditions” that are passed on from adults to children, from generation to generation. Often, when children grow up and become adults, they decide to pass the tradition along to their children by telling and acting out the stories of those traditions. Now that he knows it is simply a tradition rather than reality, he can help to pass the tradition on to his younger sister. There may be ways for him to be involved in that! (When I was a child, I helped put cookies on the mantle for Santa, knowing that my dad and our dog would enjoy a midnight snack, but still enjoying the “game”–especially for the benefit of my little sister). He might be able to do some research on those traditions (Wikipedia would be a great place to start, at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tooth_fairy), or help his parents or teacher write a report to describe a particular tradition and how and why it’s celebrated. Like a detective, he may want to help look for “clues” that show that it’s simply a tradition rather than reality (i.e. each mall has a Santa—one person can’t be at each mall at the same time!)
Depending on how seriously he is taking this, his parents might also owe him an apology, explaining that they had not viewed it as deception, but as the passing on of a tradition, but that they can see how it would feel that way to him. It’s important to validate his feelings, too!
The teacher is correct that this is also a loss-related issue. For more help on that (particularly if the previous suggestions didn’t help!), readers might want to check out Carol Gray’s “Gray’s Guide to Loss” here: http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&product_id=68
I’d like to close with a quote from the Wikipedia site I noted above:
“The Tooth Fairy is an example of folklore mythology sometimes presented to children as fact…The realization or discovery that such stories are make-believe is considered a part of the child’s growing up…Many families participate in the roles of this myth even when the children are also aware of the fictionality…as a form of play or tradition.”
If you were considering writing a Social Story™ or Social Article™ to help explain this issue, that’s a great place to look for ideas to get you started! (Other suggestions for using this valuable technique developed by Carol Gray can be found on our web site at http://www.thegraycenter.org/).
Best wishes, and thank you for the work you are doing to promote social understanding! If you have your own suggestions for dealing with this issue, please post those on our topic blog at http://thegraycenter.blogspot.com/ . We appreciate your participation!
Laurel Falvo, Certified Family Life Educator
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
http://www.thegraycenter.org/
The Gray Center has accomplished the move to our new office! We’re excited about the new people we’ve been able to meet, our new volunteers, and new ventures that we’re working on. Here’s what’s new:
- OFFICE: Rachelle and Amy have been coming in to inventory and set up our library (which will hopefully re-open sometime next month) and help with office duties. We’ll need more volunteers this fall, for answering phones, greeting guests, helping with marketing, etc. If you could spare a couple of hours each week, please contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org to get on our fall schedule.
- GROUPS: We received a grant from the Grand Rapids Community Foundation to run girls’ groups through the summer. The girls have been enjoying exciting outings and activities, facilitated by Gray Center staff members Ann Mary, Christy, and Robin and their helpers. Christy and Nelson have continued the Young Adult Network and corresponding parent group at their new location in Grand Rapids, also. We’re in the process of planning new fall groups for our Zeeland location. Let us know if there’s something you’d like us to provide!
-EVENTS: We’re busy planning events for the next year. Some of our events will be coordinated with our new City on a Hill neighbors, CLC Network (provides assistance to churches), Autism Society of West Shore (a fabulous lakeshore service for families with ASD), and Compassionate Heart Ministries (provides a fun respite program for kids with disabilities). To find out more about our neighbors and to access their valuable services, go to www.coahm.org. Watch future SUN News articles and our web site for dates and other information about upcoming events.
-PRESENTATIONS: Carol Gray has developed the “next generation” guidelines and criteria for writing and using this helpful tool, which she calls “Social Stories 10.1.” She and Team Social Stories(TM) have been providing this training around the world. I have also been traveling to train parents, professionals, and teens how to use the Social Response Pyramid(TM) at home and at school. Sondra Williams has been sharing her perspective and insights as a person with ASD with eager and grateful audiences. More information about all of these opportunities—and many more– is available at www.thegraycenter.org.
-BOOKSTORE: In addition to the great resources already in our bookstore at www.thegraycenter.org, we’re evaluating new titles and producing new resources (including the Social Response Pyramid Instructional KIT). Please let us know if there’s a resource you’d like us to sell.
-SOCIAL NETWORKING: We’re eager to learn more from YOU—to have you share valuable information (links, tips, resources) with us and with each other. You can now find us on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter (links are available on our home page at www.thegraycenter.org). And we’re setting up a new blog to make it easier to share your ideas at http://thegraycenter.blogspot.com/. Please take a minute to visit those, to forward them to your friends and family, and to interact with us through those avenues.
-FINANCES: The economy has impacted The Gray Center along with many other nonprofits. However, our move enables us to further cut expenses, and your donations and book purchases are helping us continue to provide valuable information and support for people affected by autism. If you are able to help us financially, please go to www.thegraycenter.org to give quickly and safely online, or send a check to The Gray Center, 100 Pine St. Suite 121, Zeeland, MI 49464. (You can also support the Gray Center financially–at no additional cost to you–by using www.iGive.com/graycenter as the gateway to your online shopping at hundreds of online merchants! To date, our supporters have raised $430.26 for us this way.)
There’s a lot that’s new at The Gray Center, but one thing hasn’t changed. We’re still totally committed to people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), and to helping you promote social understanding around the world. Thank you for partnering with us!
Laurel Falvo, CFLE
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
P.S. The Gray Center is pleased to be the official home of Social Stories(TM) and The Social Response Pyramid(TM). All of our resources for these two educational tools are on SALE through Saturday! Be sure to check out the special discounts on books, pdf downloads of Quarterlies and Social Stories 10.0, DVDs (workshops and Storymovies), and the new Pyramid Instructional KIT!
Have you ever felt like a “different duck?” Most of us have days when we either celebrate or bemoan our uniqueness. But The Gray Center thinks it’s GOOD to be one of a kind!
YOU are one of a kind! The Gray Center is pleased to have you as a member of our Social Understanding Network, and we’re grateful for the work you’re doing around the world to help promote social understanding and effectiveness.
People with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are one of a kind. Although they may share similar traits which lead to a diagnosis, they each have their own unique interests, personality, abilities, dreams, fears, and challenges.
The Gray Center is a one of a kind organization. Where else can you go for FREE email and phone support, a web site with practical information and ideas, access to a lending library and bookstore with valuable resources, low-cost support groups for parents, young adults, girls and boys, helpful workshops and presentations, connections to an extensive community network, and a resource such as our FREE weekly Sun News articles?
If you have benefited from any of The Gray Center’s resources over the past few years, months, weeks, or days, please consider making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit organization. The current economic conditions have negatively impacted both The Gray Center and many of the individuals and families that we serve. Already we have had to significantly cut our staff hours, which reduces our ability to meet the needs of our friends around the world. We continue to hear that people value our programs and resources, but we can only continue to provide those through your generous financial support!
As The Gray Center prepares to move to our new office (which will enable us to reduce our operating expenses), you can help us “get our ducks in a row!” You can give quickly and safely at www.thegraycenter.org (or send a check to 4123 Embassy Dr. SE, Kentwood, MI 49546). All donations will be acknowledged with a receipt, and if you give more than $10, we’ll hang a duck on our wall in your honor! Please tell your friends and family about The Gray Center, and encourage them to also help us in our time of need. Let’s see if we can fill our new office with ducks representing Gray Center supporters!
Thank you in advance for your generous support. Together, we can celebrate our individual uniqueness, as well as our strength in working together to promote social understanding and effectiveness!
Laurel Falvo, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
P.S. Our Gray Center Girls’ Group has painted rubber ducks representing their own individuality and creativity. You can purchase a poster of those ducks on our web site. You can also download our “one of a kind” donation flyer off our web site, and distribute it to other potential supporters (Does your doctor know about The Gray Center? Your child’s teacher or school administrator? Your childcare provider?) Thank you for your support!
I’ll be the first to admit that it would be nice if my three children obliged immediately every time I made a request. I would love to have them come to the dinner table without objecting that they’re having too much fun playing with a friend, or go to bed nicely without insisting that they still have homework that needs to be completed (or that their classmates don’t go to bed that early), or refrain from purchasing an item when I explain that it’s too expensive or that they’re not likely to use it longer than the five minutes it takes to drive home from the store. I do my best to be a good parent, and to teach them to respect my authority and to do what’s expected of them in a timely and orderly way. But while it’s tempting to train them to follow my instructions without discussion or complaint (and in fact, there certainly is a time and a place for that), I have come to the conclusion that I am sometimes thankful for the objections they raise.
You see, I want my children to think about what’s being asked of them. I want them to make connections to what their friends are doing, consider other obligations that they’re facing, and give voice to their feelings and preferences. I want to give them opportunities to occasionally influence my decisions, or to hear me explain how their objections might appear to me or to others, and the effect that this has on the outcome of the situation (i.e. the consequences that they face). These are learning opportunities, and their objections and discussions give evidence that they are engaging in important thinking processes.
I’ve spent the last few weeks considering the variety of prompts that enter my world, seemingly attempting to get me to comply without questioning the validity of the request or the potential outcome. I receive emails telling me to open an attachment, click a link, download new software, send personal information, or forward the email to all of my friends. My ability to think through the request and consider the consequences has helped to protect my computer , my personal information, and my friendships. My navigational GPS tells me, “NOW, turn left.” My ability to consider the fact that the light is currently red, or another car or a pedestrian is in the way, has protected my personal safety and that of my family and others on the road at the same time as me. Mail insisting that I open a new checking account or credit card has been shredded and disposed of, given that I know I don’t need to comply with their instructions when I don’t need a new checking account or credit card.
There is great value in learning to question validity or reasons for requests, and to consider potential outcomes. If the result of this type of valuable thinking is that I spend more time giving my children reminders, or providing more information about my instructions and the reasons for them (or helping my children to better understand their options and the consequences of each), then I consider that time well spent. I am aware that if my focus is simply to get them to comply with my commands, they are more likely to comply with outside commands such as those I’ve detailed here, or even the instructions of potential bullies or others who would take advantage of them. (Go to www.thegraycenter.org for helpful resources on bullying, as well as the book, “Why Do I Have to?”—a great resource for kids who are trying to understand the requirements and directions that they face each day).
There are times when following prompts ensures the safety of our children and students. And of course, it is also important to teach them respect and obedience. However, when immediate safety is not at stake, and when we are building in opportunities for them to learn respect and obedience, there is tremendous value in giving them the opportunity to learn from the process of questioning, challenging, and predicting.
Best wishes as you guide your children and students through this process. I’m right there with you, learning as I go, but what an exciting and worthwhile journey it is!
Laurel Falvo, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
P.S. I’ll be speaking in Grand Rapids, Michigan on April 23, in Fort Wayne, Indiana (Purdue) on May 2, and in Southgate, Michigan on June 30. For more details (including registration information), go to www.thegraycenter.org. If you would like me to consider speaking for your group, school staff, or organization, please contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org.
Welcome to a special mid-week edition of the SUN News–a weekly update for The Gray Center Social Understanding Network on this World Autism Awareness Day!
During the last month, I wrote several articles dealing with the topic of change. The Gray Center is currently in a period of transition, as we adapt to the needs of the people who access our resources within the confines of the current economic conditions.
On behalf of the staff and board, Carol Gray and I are excited to announce that in the upcoming months, we will be transitioning Gray Center operations to the lakeshore area, as we set up our main office in Zeeland, Michigan. This will move our current small office at City on a Hill Ministries, (100 Pine Street), to a larger – and far more flexible – office space.
City on a Hill is a fantastic place which provides us with a variety of additional resources within steps of our new office. We will enjoy access to a variety of meeting spaces, and opportunities for collaboration with organizations in neighboring offices. In addition, there is a fabulous low-cost café on site that, like the rest of the building and grounds, is run by volunteers.
Surrounded by these resources, we will be able to offer additional opportunities for Gray Center individuals and families to become meaningfully involved in a wide variety of activities. We have been eagerly exploring the potential for growth and creative and beneficial programming in the lakeshore area, and are already networking with other organizations to better meet the needs of those we serve. If you’re interested in volunteering to help with any of our new initiatives, please contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org. We also could use people willing to help support this new endeavor financially. You can give quickly and securely online at www.thegraycenter.org. If you’re willing to help write grants or approach potential donors, please contact me.
We are committed to continuing to host our Grand Rapids groups in the Kentwood/Grand Rapids area. We are looking for “neutral” space—not necessarily connected with another autism-related business or organization—available as donated space or for a nominal cost. Please contact annmary@thegraycenter.org if you have suggestions for space that would accommodate our groups up to five evenings per month.
Watch our web site and future issues of the SUN News to follow and participate in upcoming Gray Center changes. As always, we appreciate your support and encouragement, as you purchase resources, attend programs, give financial gifts, and call or email us your comments and words of praise for our efforts. We are excited about the ways that these changes will enable us to expand our ability to be a valuable resource for you and others like you, all around the world!
Laurel Falvo, Executive Director, and Carol Gray, President
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
P.S. Please note that Gray Center staff members are on spring break through April 12. We will continue to process your orders and ship products to you during that time, but may not be able to respond to your phone and email messages until we return. If others of you are taking a break this month, we hope you will find it to be a time of rest and relaxation, and that you’ll return safely to your regular tasks and responsibilities.
Last week I told you about a sign I saw recently, which read, “Change is inevitable…growth is optional.” We looked at the first half of that, and I promised that this week we would reflect on the second half.
All people encounter change on almost a daily basis, whether it’s routine, minute change, or major, life-altering change. We know that people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) tend to have difficulty dealing with change. However, all people respond differently to change. How one person responds to change will usually depend in part on personality, coping style, other factors the person is dealing with concurrently, past experiences and exposure to change, how the change presents itself, and even a person’s age.
The research I’ve done indicates that responses to change tend to be the same as the responses typically associated with grief. Research varies when describing the different ways of responding to grief or change. But most indicate something similar to the following:
Denial: Refusing to accept the change or the need for change
Anger: Often people will look for someone to blame, and may respond by lashing out at other people—particularly those they choose to blame for the situation, but also others who may be close-by
Bargaining: Trying to find a way around the change, or trying to substitute other options for the proposed change
Depression: Sometimes people are so overwhelmed by change that it drags them down emotionally, and they find it difficult to function even in other areas
Acceptance: Accepting the change, and possibly even feeling empowered by it or enthusiastic about it
Many people believe that the most important aspect of change is how we respond to it. Last week we looked at the need to be flexible so that we can adapt to change. This week we’re looking at how change can prompt us to grow…if we let it.
“If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it” (Mary Engelbreit). In other words, there are some changes we can initiate in order to promote progress. When changes are unexpected or unwelcome, we can try to have a positive attitude about them. In fact, we can “Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change” (Brian Tracy) We may not be able to control the situations which force us to think differently about the way we do things, or to respond differently, or those which completely change our circumstances, but we can continue to stay involved in the process in order to help ensure that good can come from it.
Sometimes change can promote emotional growth. When a relationship changes, we learn something about ourselves and may possibly gain skills for maintaining healthy relationships. Other times change can promote financial growth. Many of us are being forced to change our spending habits because of dwindling savings accounts or lost income. With time, we may find that we do a better job of saving, and identify fewer things we “need” to spend money on. Change can also promote professional or intellectual growth. Many of us continue to learn new computer skills as our world depends more on electronic communication, banking, and other services. We may be forced to learn other new skills because of a job change or to help our children adapt to change in classroom instructional techniques. If we can maintain a positive attitude about change, and work to avoid denying, resisting, lashing out at, or being overwhelmed by change, we may find that it helps to bring about many new opportunities for growth!
I’ll close with one final quote on change. Okakura Lakuzo once said, “The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings.”
Best wishes to all of you as you face new changes this week. Remember that change can promote progress and growth in our lives and in the lives of those with whom we live and work!
Laurel Falvo, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
P.S. Last week I shared with you that The Gray Center has been negatively impacted by the poor economy, and that our nonprofit organization would be forced to change unless you were able to help us financially. Many of you responded by sending in a donation or by donating online at www.thegraycenter.org. We thank you for sharing in our mission and caring about our ability to continue to serve people around the world! Unfortunately, the donations sent in last week totaled only a few hundred dollars. Our staff has spent the week having difficult discussions about changes that need to be made, in spite of the fact that we have always “done much with little,” by being very fiscally responsible and maintaining relatively low overhead. In fact, the majority of money that we receive goes toward providing free phone and email support, and free or low-cost services for people who need them. Because there’s little “extra” that we can trim, we’ll need to make difficult decisions about services which need to be scaled back or associated with a higher fee. We appreciate your continued support and encouragement as we refine our strategies for future growth, and again, if you are able, right now more than ever, we do need your financial assistance!
