Green Thumbs Needed

Do you have a “green thumb?” That term refers to someone who knows how to grow plants and help them flourish. Some people have either studied plant care, or just seem to know how to position the plants, water and feed them, and pinch off dead growth to encourage new growth. Plants under their care are healthy and productive.

The Gray Center needs some “green thumbs” to help our organization continue to grow! We’ve just celebrated ten years of service to the local and global communities. People around the world have benefitted from our services, resources, and web site at www.thegraycenter.org. We’re excited about the plans we have for the future, including a new web site which will be unveiled shortly, some new resources including a new Social Story book by Carol Gray, and new services such as social coaching and consulting. We continue to hear that we’re making a difference as we provide information and support to those who are working to promote social understanding with individuals with autism spectrum disorders. But we can’t do it without your help!

As you support The Gray Center with your tax-deductible donations, you can “grow” the following resources:

-       “ASD to Z” is a booklet published by The Gray Center in 2005. The Gray Center has distributed more than 14,000 copies, many given free to families new to the diagnosis. Your gift of $5 enables us to mail one copy to someone who needs it. A gift of $1000 will enable us to publish a second companion resource, which will provide more in-depth information and support to parents, grandparents, siblings, professionals, and individuals with ASD.

-       Young Adult Network: We have just added a second location for our young adult network. We have a fabulous group of over 20 people with ASD, ages 16 and older, who participate regularly. Many feel that they have nowhere else to receive this type of social interaction and instruction. Your gift of $100 enables one young adult to attend meetings and social events for a year, to form friendships, and to learn and practice valuable social skills. A gift of $3600 will enable The Gray Center to lease additional space for the next year, to provide a special place (with games, technology, and comfortable seating) for the young adults to gather on a regular basis.

-       Social Coaching and Consulting: Many people need one-on-one assistance to get “unstuck” as they parent a child with ASD, or work to interact more effectively with others. Although The Gray Center has priced these sessions to simply cover our expenses, the economy has made it difficult for some to access this valuable service. Your gift of $100 will provide four months of on-going individual support for someone who desperately needs it.

-       Our web site at www.thegraycenter.org is going to be redone this weekend, thanks to the generous support of GiveCamp and dedicated volunteers. Your financial contributions will allow us to make additional changes in the upcoming months to ensure that this resource can provide you with the information you need in order to continue to promote social understanding in your area of the world.

We’re excited about the growth The Gray Center has experienced during our first ten years of service to the local and global communities. We know that with your continued support, we will grow and flourish in the months and years ahead. Please consider making an online donation at www.thegraycenter.org, or mailing a check to The Gray Center, 100 Pine Street Suite 121, Zeeland, MI  49464.

Your holiday on-line shopping can also benefit The Gray Center at no additional expense to you by logging on through www.iGive.com/graycenter before you shop. And as always, your purchases at www.thegraycenter.org provide the necessary revenue for The Gray Center to continue to be a source of information and support around the world. Thank you!

Laurel Falvo, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. We hope you’ll join us for tonight’s “Proactive Parenting” meeting at The Gray Center in Zeeland (7:00-8:30 p.m.). Go to www.thegraycenter.org for more information.

Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Other Traditions

Welcome to the SUN News–a weekly update for The Gray Center Social Understanding Network! I originally wrote this article in 2007, and have now posted it to our topic blog at http://thegraycenter.blogspot.com/. I hope you’ll add your own ideas and information there!
Several months ago I received the following e-mail from one of our SUN members:

“The mother of a student with ASD asked us today about how to handle her son’s anger at having been lied to by his parents about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa. He is a 5th grade student and has been told by a friend that all three are really his parents. He has been quite angry and has called his parents liars and said he is not sure he will be able to trust them again. He has a younger sister who is still a ‘believer.’ We realize that loss is playing a significant role here – this must come up for many, many kids with ASD. Do you have any suggestions for how to help this family handle the transition?”

I’m guessing that many of you can relate to this dilemma! I know that this issue comes up even in families that don’t have a loved one diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD)! I used to be a first grade teacher, and I remember the kids in my classroom getting into heated arguments about whether there really IS or ISN’T a Santa or a Tooth Fairy. Movie producers have some fun with this issue by creating movies such as “The Santa Clause” and “The Polar Express,” which inspire our fascination with the subject.

But while many kids grow up with a family tradition which promotes one of these beliefs, only to go through a period of revelation followed by ready acceptance, we know that for individuals with ASD, the loss and apparent deception can cause significant issues. The frustration and anger exhibited by this particular student is understandable!

So what are we to do? I would be as honest as possible with this student. Explain that these are “traditions” that are passed on from adults to children, from generation to generation. Often, when children grow up and become adults, they decide to pass the tradition along to their children by telling and acting out the stories of those traditions. Now that he knows it is simply a tradition rather than reality, he can help to pass the tradition on to his younger sister. There may be ways for him to be involved in that! (When I was a child, I helped put cookies on the mantle for Santa, knowing that my dad and our dog would enjoy a midnight snack, but still enjoying the “game”–especially for the benefit of my little sister). He might be able to do some research on those traditions (Wikipedia would be a great place to start, at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tooth_fairy), or help his parents or teacher write a report to describe a particular tradition and how and why it’s celebrated. Like a detective, he may want to help look for “clues” that show that it’s simply a tradition rather than reality (i.e. each mall has a Santa—one person can’t be at each mall at the same time!)

Depending on how seriously he is taking this, his parents might also owe him an apology, explaining that they had not viewed it as deception, but as the passing on of a tradition, but that they can see how it would feel that way to him. It’s important to validate his feelings, too!

The teacher is correct that this is also a loss-related issue. For more help on that (particularly if the previous suggestions didn’t help!), readers might want to check out Carol Gray’s “Gray’s Guide to Loss” here: http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&product_id=68

I’d like to close with a quote from the Wikipedia site I noted above:

“The Tooth Fairy is an example of folklore mythology sometimes presented to children as fact…The realization or discovery that such stories are make-believe is considered a part of the child’s growing up…Many families participate in the roles of this myth even when the children are also aware of the fictionality…as a form of play or tradition.”

If you were considering writing a Social Story™ or Social Article™ to help explain this issue, that’s a great place to look for ideas to get you started! (Other suggestions for using this valuable technique developed by Carol Gray can be found on our web site at http://www.thegraycenter.org/).

Best wishes, and thank you for the work you are doing to promote social understanding! If you have your own suggestions for dealing with this issue, please post those on our topic blog at http://thegraycenter.blogspot.com/ . We appreciate your participation!

Laurel Falvo, Certified Family Life Educator
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
http://www.thegraycenter.org/

Gray Center Updates

The Gray Center has accomplished the move to our new office! We’re excited about the new people we’ve been able to meet, our new volunteers, and new ventures that we’re working on. Here’s what’s new:

- OFFICE: Rachelle and Amy have been coming in to inventory and set up our library (which will hopefully re-open sometime next month) and help with office duties. We’ll need more volunteers this fall, for answering phones, greeting guests, helping with marketing, etc. If you could spare a couple of hours each week, please contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org to get on our fall schedule.

- GROUPS: We received a grant from the Grand Rapids Community Foundation to run girls’ groups through the summer. The girls have been enjoying exciting outings and activities, facilitated by Gray Center staff members Ann Mary, Christy, and Robin and their helpers. Christy and Nelson have continued the Young Adult Network and corresponding parent group at their new location in Grand Rapids, also. We’re in the process of planning new fall groups for our Zeeland location. Let us know if there’s something you’d like us to provide!

-EVENTS: We’re busy planning events for the next year. Some of our events will be coordinated with our new City on a Hill neighbors, CLC Network (provides assistance to churches), Autism Society of West Shore (a fabulous lakeshore service for families with ASD), and Compassionate Heart Ministries (provides a fun respite program for kids with disabilities). To find out more about our neighbors and to access their valuable services, go to www.coahm.org. Watch future SUN News articles and our web site for dates and other information about upcoming events.

-PRESENTATIONS: Carol Gray has developed the “next generation” guidelines and criteria for writing and using this helpful tool, which she calls “Social Stories 10.1.” She and Team Social Stories(TM) have been providing this training around the world. I have also been traveling to train parents, professionals, and teens how to use the Social Response Pyramid(TM) at home and at school. Sondra Williams has been sharing her perspective and insights as a person with ASD with eager and grateful audiences. More information about all of these opportunities—and many more– is available at www.thegraycenter.org.

-BOOKSTORE: In addition to the great resources already in our bookstore at www.thegraycenter.org, we’re evaluating new titles and producing new resources (including the Social Response Pyramid Instructional KIT). Please let us know if there’s a resource you’d like us to sell.

-SOCIAL NETWORKING: We’re eager to learn more from YOU—to have you share valuable information (links, tips, resources) with us and with each other. You can now find us on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter (links are available on our home page at www.thegraycenter.org). And we’re setting up a new blog to make it easier to share your ideas at http://thegraycenter.blogspot.com/. Please take a minute to visit those, to forward them to your friends and family, and to interact with us through those avenues.

-FINANCES: The economy has impacted The Gray Center along with many other nonprofits. However, our move enables us to further cut expenses, and your donations and book purchases are helping us continue to provide valuable information and support for people affected by autism. If you are able to help us financially, please go to www.thegraycenter.org to give quickly and safely online, or send a check to The Gray Center, 100 Pine St. Suite 121, Zeeland, MI  49464. (You can also support the Gray Center financially–at no additional cost to you–by using www.iGive.com/graycenter as the gateway to your online shopping at hundreds of online merchants! To date, our supporters have raised $430.26 for us this way.)

There’s a lot that’s new at The Gray Center, but one thing hasn’t changed. We’re still totally committed to people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), and to helping you promote social understanding around the world. Thank you for partnering with us!

Laurel Falvo, CFLE

Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. The Gray Center is pleased to be the official home of Social Stories(TM) and The Social Response Pyramid(TM). All of our resources for these two educational tools are on SALE through Saturday! Be sure to check out the special discounts on books, pdf downloads of Quarterlies and Social Stories 10.0, DVDs (workshops and Storymovies), and the new Pyramid Instructional KIT!

Help The Gray Center Get Our Ducks in a Row!

Have you ever felt like a “different duck?” Most of us have days when we either celebrate or bemoan our uniqueness. But The Gray Center thinks it’s GOOD to be one of a kind!

YOU are one of a kind! The Gray Center is pleased to have you as a member of our Social Understanding Network, and we’re grateful for the work you’re doing around the world to help promote social understanding and effectiveness.

People with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are one of a kind. Although they may share similar traits which lead to a diagnosis, they each have their own unique interests, personality, abilities, dreams, fears, and challenges.

The Gray Center is a one of a kind organization. Where else can you go for FREE email and phone support, a web site with practical information and ideas, access to a lending library and bookstore with valuable resources, low-cost support groups for parents, young adults, girls and boys, helpful workshops and presentations, connections to an extensive community network, and a resource such as our FREE weekly Sun News articles?

If you have benefited from any of The Gray Center’s resources over the past few years, months, weeks, or days, please consider making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit organization. The current economic conditions have negatively impacted both The Gray Center and many of the individuals and families that we serve. Already we have had to significantly cut our staff hours, which reduces our ability to meet the needs of our friends around the world. We continue to hear that people value our programs and resources, but we can only continue to provide those through your generous financial support!

As The Gray Center prepares to move to our new office (which will enable us to reduce our operating expenses), you can help us “get our ducks in a row!” You can give quickly and safely at www.thegraycenter.org (or send a check to 4123 Embassy Dr. SE, Kentwood, MI  49546). All donations will be acknowledged with a receipt, and if you give more than $10, we’ll hang a duck on our wall in your honor! Please tell your friends and family about The Gray Center, and encourage them to also help us in our time of need. Let’s see if we can fill our new office with ducks representing Gray Center supporters!

Thank you in advance for your generous support. Together, we can celebrate our individual uniqueness, as well as our strength in working together to promote social understanding and effectiveness!

Laurel Falvo, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. Our Gray Center Girls’ Group has painted rubber ducks representing their own individuality and creativity. You can purchase a poster of those ducks on our web site. You can also download our “one of a kind” donation flyer off our web site, and distribute it to other potential supporters (Does your doctor know about The Gray Center? Your child’s teacher or school administrator?  Your childcare provider?) Thank you for your support!

Following Prompts

I’ll be the first to admit that it would be nice if my three children obliged immediately every time I made a request. I would love to have them come to the dinner table without objecting that they’re having too much fun playing with a friend, or go to bed nicely without insisting that they still have homework that needs to be completed (or that their classmates don’t go to bed that early), or refrain from purchasing an item when I explain that it’s too expensive or that they’re not likely to use it longer than the five minutes it takes to drive home from the store. I do my best to be a good parent, and to teach them to respect my authority and to do what’s expected of them in a timely and orderly way. But while it’s tempting to train them to follow my instructions without discussion or complaint (and in fact, there certainly is a time and a place for that), I have come to the conclusion that I am sometimes thankful for the objections they raise.

 

You see, I want my children to think about what’s being asked of them. I want them to make connections to what their friends are doing, consider other obligations that they’re facing, and give voice to their feelings and preferences. I want to give them opportunities to occasionally influence my decisions, or to hear me explain how their objections might appear to me or to others, and the effect that this has on the outcome of the situation (i.e. the consequences that they face). These are learning opportunities, and their objections and discussions give evidence that they are engaging in important thinking processes.

 

I’ve spent the last few weeks considering the variety of prompts that enter my world, seemingly attempting to get me to comply without questioning the validity of the request or the potential outcome. I receive emails telling me to open an attachment, click a link, download new software, send personal information, or forward the email to all of my friends. My ability to think through the request and consider the consequences has helped to protect my computer , my personal information, and my friendships. My navigational GPS tells me, “NOW, turn left.” My ability to consider the fact that the light is currently red, or another car or a pedestrian is in the way, has protected my personal safety and that of my family and others on the road at the same time as me. Mail insisting that I open a new checking account or credit card has been shredded and disposed of, given that I know I don’t need to comply with their instructions when I don’t need a new checking account or credit card.

 

There is great value in learning to question validity or reasons for requests, and to consider potential outcomes. If the result of this type of valuable thinking is that I spend more time giving my children reminders, or providing more information about my instructions and the reasons for them (or helping my children to better understand their options and the consequences of each), then I consider that time well spent. I am aware that if my focus is simply to get them to comply with my commands, they are more likely to comply with outside commands such as those I’ve detailed here, or even the instructions of potential bullies or others who would take advantage of them. (Go to www.thegraycenter.org for helpful resources on bullying, as well as the book, “Why Do I Have to?”—a great resource for kids who are trying to understand the requirements and directions that they face each day).

 

There are times when following prompts ensures the safety of our children and students. And of course, it is also important to teach them respect and obedience. However, when immediate safety is not at stake, and when we are building in opportunities for them to learn respect and obedience, there is tremendous value in giving them the opportunity to learn from the process of questioning, challenging, and predicting.

 

Best wishes as you guide your children and students through this process. I’m right there with you, learning as I go, but what an exciting and worthwhile journey it is!

 

Laurel Falvo, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

 

P.S. I’ll be speaking in Grand Rapids, Michigan on April 23, in Fort Wayne, Indiana (Purdue) on May 2, and in Southgate, Michigan on June 30. For more details (including registration information), go to www.thegraycenter.org. If you would like me to consider speaking for your group, school staff, or organization, please contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org.

Exciting Gray Center Changes

Welcome to a special mid-week edition of the SUN News–a weekly update for The Gray Center Social Understanding Network on this World Autism Awareness Day!

 

During the last month, I wrote several articles dealing with the topic of change. The Gray Center is currently in a period of transition, as we adapt to the needs of the people who access our resources within the confines of the current economic conditions.

 

On behalf of the staff and board, Carol Gray and I are excited to announce that in the upcoming months, we will be transitioning Gray Center operations to the lakeshore area, as we set up our main office in Zeeland, Michigan.  This will move our current small office at City on a Hill Ministries, (100 Pine Street), to a larger – and far more flexible – office space.

 

City on a Hill is a fantastic place which provides us with a variety of additional resources within steps of our new office.  We will enjoy access to a variety of meeting spaces, and opportunities for collaboration with organizations in neighboring offices.  In addition, there is a fabulous low-cost café on site that, like the rest of the building and grounds, is run by volunteers.  

Surrounded by these resources, we will be able to offer additional opportunities for Gray Center individuals and families to become meaningfully involved in a wide variety of activities. We have been eagerly exploring the potential for growth and creative and beneficial programming in the lakeshore area, and are already networking with other organizations to better meet the needs of those we serve. If you’re interested in volunteering to help with any of our new initiatives, please contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org. We also could use people willing to help support this new endeavor financially. You can give quickly and securely online at www.thegraycenter.org. If you’re willing to help write grants or approach potential donors, please contact me.

 

We are committed to continuing to host our Grand Rapids groups in the Kentwood/Grand Rapids area. We are looking for “neutral” space—not necessarily connected with another autism-related business or organization—available as donated space or for a nominal cost. Please contact annmary@thegraycenter.org if you have suggestions for space that would accommodate our groups up to five evenings per month.

 

Watch our web site and future issues of the SUN News to follow and participate in upcoming Gray Center changes. As always, we appreciate your support and encouragement, as you purchase resources, attend programs, give financial gifts, and call or email us your comments and words of praise for our efforts. We are excited about the ways that these changes will enable us to expand our ability to be a valuable resource for you and others like you, all around the world!

 

Laurel Falvo, Executive Director, and Carol Gray, President

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

 

P.S. Please note that Gray Center staff members are on spring break through April 12. We will continue to process your orders and ship products to you during that time, but may not be able to respond to your phone and email messages until we return. If others of you are taking a break this month, we hope you will find it to be a time of rest and relaxation, and that you’ll return safely to your regular tasks and responsibilities.

Growth is Optional

Last week I told you about a sign I saw recently, which read, “Change is inevitable…growth is optional.” We looked at the first half of that, and I promised that this week we would reflect on the second half.

All people encounter change on almost a daily basis, whether it’s routine, minute change, or major, life-altering change. We know that people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) tend to have difficulty dealing with change. However, all people respond differently to change. How one person responds to change will usually depend in part on personality, coping style, other factors the person is dealing with concurrently, past experiences and exposure to change, how the change presents itself, and even a person’s age.

The research I’ve done indicates that responses to change tend to be the same as the responses typically associated with grief. Research varies when describing the different ways of responding to grief or change. But most indicate something similar to the following:

Denial: Refusing to accept the change or the need for change

Anger: Often people will look for someone to blame, and may respond by lashing out at other people—particularly those they choose to blame for the situation, but also others who may be close-by

Bargaining: Trying to find a way around the change, or trying to substitute other options for the proposed change

Depression: Sometimes people are so overwhelmed by change that it drags them down emotionally, and they find it difficult to function even in other areas

Acceptance: Accepting the change, and possibly even feeling empowered by it or enthusiastic about it

Many people believe that the most important aspect of change is how we respond to it. Last week we looked at the need to be flexible so that we can adapt to change. This week we’re looking at how change can prompt us to grow…if we let it.

“If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it” (Mary Engelbreit). In other words, there are some changes we can initiate in order to promote progress. When changes are unexpected or unwelcome, we can try to have a positive attitude about them. In fact, we can “Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change” (Brian Tracy) We may not be able to control the situations which force us to think differently about the way we do things, or to respond differently, or those which completely change our circumstances, but we can continue to stay involved in the process in order to help ensure that good can come from it.

Sometimes change can promote emotional growth. When a relationship changes, we learn something about ourselves and may possibly gain skills for maintaining healthy relationships. Other times change can promote financial growth. Many of us are being forced to change our spending habits because of dwindling savings accounts or lost income. With time, we may find that we do a better job of saving, and identify fewer things we “need” to spend money on. Change can also promote professional or intellectual growth. Many of us continue to learn new computer skills as our world depends more on electronic communication, banking, and other services. We may be forced to learn other new skills because of a job change or to help our children adapt to change in classroom instructional techniques. If we can maintain a positive attitude about change, and work to avoid denying, resisting, lashing out at, or being overwhelmed by change, we may find that it helps to bring about many new opportunities for growth!

I’ll close with one final quote on change. Okakura Lakuzo once said, “The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings.”

Best wishes to all of you as you face new changes this week. Remember that change can promote progress and growth in our lives and in the lives of those with whom we live and work!

Laurel Falvo, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. Last week I shared with you that The Gray Center has been negatively impacted by the poor economy, and that our nonprofit organization would be forced to change unless you were able to help us financially. Many of you responded by sending in a donation or by donating online at www.thegraycenter.org. We thank you for sharing in our mission and caring about our ability to continue to serve people around the world! Unfortunately, the donations sent in last week totaled only a few hundred dollars. Our staff has spent the week having difficult discussions about changes that need to be made, in spite of the fact that we have always “done much with little,” by being very fiscally responsible and maintaining relatively low overhead. In fact, the majority of money that we receive goes toward providing free phone and email support, and free or low-cost services for people who need them. Because there’s little “extra” that we can trim, we’ll need to make difficult decisions about services which need to be scaled back or associated with a higher fee. We appreciate your continued support and encouragement as we refine our strategies for future growth, and again, if you are able, right now more than ever, we do need your financial assistance!

Emotional Banking

Last week after posting my latest entry, I received three kind, encouraging comments from readers (thanks, Carol, Anne & Andy, and Jordan)! As I basked in the glow of their thoughtful words, I began reflecting on the importance of the concept of “emotional banking.”

 

We all need regular emotional deposits made on our behalf. In this economy, we all understand the importance of being able to save a little money each month, leaving us with a positive fiscal balance. The same is true for our emotional well-being. Compliments, words of encouragement, experiences with success, time spent with a favorite hobby and/or with close friends or family…all of these help to build our sense of well-being.

 

We know all too well the effect that the opposite has on each one of us. Criticisms, unkind words, feeling excluded, or struggling to understand or complete a task all have the effect of dragging us down emotionally and depleting our emotional reserves. While these negatives cannot always be avoided, their effect is lessened by the deposits mentioned above.

 

There are some things we can do to make deposits to our own emotional banks. We can use “positive self-talk” to counteract unwarranted self-criticism. We can set aside time to pursue hobbies, engage in relaxing activities, and spend time with people we enjoy. There is less we can do about the deposits or withdrawals that others make into or out of our own reserves. In the past, I’ve written about the pervasiveness of bullying, especially as it relates to people with autism spectrum disorders being the targets. The Gray Center has a wide variety of resources available to help parents and professionals better understand how to help people avoid or respond effectively to bullying attempts. (All of the resources in our Bullying category are on SALE this week at www.thegraycenter.org. This includes resources by Nick Dubin, Carol Gray, Kari Dunn Buron, Brenda Smith Myles, and more!)

 

We can help by ensuring that we are doing what we can to maintain others’ emotional banks at a positive balance. In addition to creating an environment where bullying isn’t tolerated, we can work to make our homes, classrooms, workplaces, and neighborhoods places of mutual respect and kindness. We can give meaningful compliments to others, and teach this valuable skill to those who need additional assistance. (Carol Gray has written a resource on compliments, which is available at www.thegraycenter.org). We can give others opportunities and encouragement to develop their interests and abilities. We can help others better understand the social context, both to get meaning from it, as well as to interact more effectively with those around them.

 

Do you have other ideas about “emotional banking?” I hope you’ll share those with other readers—and with me—here.

 

In this economy, many of us, including The Gray Center, suffer the effects of depleted bank accounts. However, we can all work at helping to keep our own emotional banks—and those of others—at a healthy balance. It’s a valuable goal to strive for, especially for those of us living and working with individuals with autism spectrum disorders.

 

Best wishes in your work all around the world!

 

Laurel Falvo, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

 

 

NOTE: Just a reminder of three upcoming learning and networking opportunities: I will be speaking in Savannah, Georgia on Friday, Feb. 13 (for the Matthew Reardon Center), and in Grand Rapids, Michigan on March 7 at an Early On conference featuring author Johnny Tuitel. On March 17, The Gray Center is hosting a conference, “Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Building Skills for the Real World,” in Grand Rapids, Michigan (with Theresa Bolick and Talmer Shockley). There is information on all of these opportunities on our web site at www.thegraycenter.org.

 

If you would like to contribute to The Gray Center, we would appreciate your tax-deductible donations (you can give quickly and securely online at www.thegraycenter.org), or your contributions through the online shopping gateway www.iGive.com/graycenter (which costs you nothing extra). Thank you for your support!

An Attitude of Gratitude

Do you face a lot of questions in your life? Perhaps you find yourself wondering, “Why me?” or “Why am I like this?” or even, “Why did this have to happen to me?” You may ask practical questions about what you should do, where you should go, how you should spend your money, or what you should do or say when you’re with others.

You may also ask questions about others; about why they do what they do, why their situation has to be so difficult, or why they have to make your life so challenging.

Many of these questions are valid. Some have potential answers; such questions drive us toward effective responses from which we can mature, learn, and even experience much-needed and valued success.

However, other questions do not have answers, and instead serve to discourage us or even cause us to become anxious or upset. Often these are the “what if” and “if only” situations in our life, where we focus on the way things could have been, rather than on the way they are. We ask these questions over and over, and begin to get so caught up in them that not only do we not see any potential answers, but we begin to overlook other positives in our lives.

I was prompted to consider this idea after reading in a devotional book that gratitude (or thankfulness) “…is the difference between having our lives built around a question mark or around an exclamation point.” The author, Ronald E. Minor, points out, “We tend to blame the people and the circumstances around us for being dissatisfied with our lives.” He goes on to say that often it isn’t our circumstances that need changing, but that the change needed is in fact “inside” of ourselves. While we may face numerous uncertainties and difficult situations, our attitude, or the way that we view ourselves and our circumstances, and the choices that we make as we interact with others, are the only things that we can control (or at least try to control). And often an internal positive change can color our outlook on life so that it seems brighter, and even makes us seem more positive and enjoyable to those around us!

I’m guessing there are aspects of your life that could be better, whether they’re related to your finances, your profession, your relationships, your feelings, or your environment. That’s likely the case for every one of us! However, the difference between people who are miserable and those who are happy is often not their current circumstances, but their attitude toward them! Here’s a thought to ponder from Scott Hamilton: “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” (If you think a gold-medal, world champion figure skater wouldn’t understand life with a disability, guess again! There’s an interesting interview which explains some of the struggles he’s lived with, as well as talking about teachers who made a difference in his life, and other lessons that he learned along the way. You can read it here: http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/ham0int-1).

This week the United States celebrates the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s a good week to take time to reflect on the things we’re thankful for: people and relationships, experiences, homes, food, jobs, transportation, health, weather, hobbies, work and rest, travels, future plans or dreams, lessons learned, beauty in the world around us, and material possessions. Whether we have much or little, most of us have something, and often we have more comparatively than others in our world today.

On behalf of the staff and board of The Gray Center, I’d like to thank you for your continuing support of the work we’re doing to promote social understanding around the world! Your purchases, attendance at events, emails, phone calls, and visits all serve to encourage us in our daily work to provide information and support for those living with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). If you’d like to give a tax-deductible donation, you can do so online at http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_ID=10. A financial contribution helps us continue to bring you the SUN News each week, to update our web site with valuable information, and to provide FREE phone and email support to people around the world! (Special thanks to those of you who have signed on at www.iGive.com/graycenter to have your online shopping benefit The Gray Center!)

Have a blessed, thankful week!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. Our office will be closed November 25-30 while staff members spend time with family for the holidays. We will continue to process your orders and reply to your phone and email messages in as timely a manner as possible! Have a great week!

The Value of Predictive Maintenance

For the last two weeks, our SUN News article has centered around the topic of maintenance. Corrective maintenance deals with issues as they arise, hopefully before a major incident erupts. Discipline (imposing consequences for disobedience) is one form of corrective maintenance. Preventive maintenance takes into account what we know about a given situation or group of people, and develops preventive measures to try to avoid difficult issues. A first grade teacher who knows something about the attention span of six and seven-year-olds can plan lessons accordingly to ensure that her students are able to attend to an entire lesson. A teacher or parent who knows about sensory integration can control the environment so that it does not become overwhelming in case someone struggles to effectively handle sensory input. Both of these types of maintenance have their place; they can be effective as we work with individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). However, both take away from valuable instruction time as we work to diffuse a difficult situation (with corrective maintenance) or plan and implement strategies based on our expectations of a particular group of people (preventive maintenance), whether or not they end up being necessary.

 

There is a third type of maintenance which takes additional time and planning, but may be more productive and efficient in the long-run. Predictive maintenance takes into account an individual and his or her strengths and challenges, and predicts which situations may be more difficult, which strategies may be most helpful, etc. It requires knowledge of a particular person, how he or she has reacted in the past, what the current level of functioning is, how likely the individual is to have issues with something, and what strategies have proven to be helpful before.

 

Predictive maintenance involves teachers and parents (and other individuals working to promote social understanding) who work to identify and understand a person’s strengths and challenges, and to equip them with necessary accommodations and skills. It is also important to enable individuals with ASD to better understand themselves and how to access the help they may need.

 

The Gray Center has several resources which can help us practice predictive maintenance to enable everyone in a social interaction to experience success. Some are highly-individualized resources which help us to better understand individuals on the autism spectrum. Others provide in-depth information about the diagnosis and how it may affect a given individual, with strategies to help. These include:

- Asperger’s…What Does it Mean to Me?

- Asperger’s Syndrome: An Owner’s Manual (both Number 1 for children, and Number 2 for adolescents and adults)

- Answers to Questions Teachers Ask about Sensory Integration

- The Incredible 5-Point Scale (and “When a 5 is Against the Law”)

- Guiding your Teenager with Special Needs through the Transition from School to Adult Life

- Asperger Syndrome in the Inclusive Classroom

- How to Handle a hard-to-handle kid

- Achieving best behavior for children with developmental disabilities

 

(Note that many of these resources—as well as others–are ON SALE this week at www.thegraycenter.org as part of our ten-year anniversary celebration!)

 

Much of our work as parents and professionals involves maintenance, whether it’s corrective, preventive, or predictive. It’s an important component of promoting social understanding, especially when we use it to instruct, guide, and equip individuals with ASD to be successful in interacting with those around them!

 

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

 

P.S. We still have limited space available for our November 6 showing of “Autism the Musical” in our Grand Rapids office. You can reserve your seat at www.thegraycenter.org!