Gray Center SUN News

Deliberate Problem-Solving | October 3, 2011

Welcome to The SUN News–a weekly update for The Gray Center Social Understanding Network. This is the eighth (and final) in a series of articles designed to help you be more “deliberate” in your parenting, teaching, and other forms of social connections. (The others can be found—and commented on—at http://graycenter.wordpress.com/)

I’ve often written about my educational tool, “The Social Response Pyramid(TM).” I know that many of you as far away as Japan, Australia, Canada, and the UK are using this tool in your own work and parenting. When I first developed it in 2007, I primarily used the Pyramid in my presenting and teaching to help parents and professionals better understand how people (including those with autism spectrum disorders, or ASD) process input and respond to it, as well as how various popular teaching strategies (including Social Stories, Social Behavior Mapping, The Incredible 5-Point Scale, and The Planner Guide) can be used to help guide students (and ourselves) toward more socially effective responses. (A summary of this can be seen in my workshop presentation, “Bridging the Gap,” available on DVD through The Gray Center).

A few years ago my family began using the Pyramid to be more deliberate in our interactions with each other. Initially, we took the “Pyramid Challenge,” committing to using the Pyramid regularly for one week, to see how it worked for us. (We videotaped several of our “Pyramid Discussions” and have shared those on You Tube and in the instructional video for the Pyramid KIT.) A few years later, we still use the Pyramid regularly, either with the Pyramid Pieces (available in the Pyramid KIT), with a worksheet/discussion guide, or through a general discussion using the terms of The Social Response Pyramid™. The results have been very interesting for all of us! We’ve been very pleased (and sometimes surprised) to discover the following:

- The tool works well for all of us, from the nine-year-old (who began using it when she was six) to the middle-aged family members. Even reluctant teens have found that it’s beneficial!

- It’s a tool that’s inexpensive, easy to use, and very effective. It only takes a couple of minutes to have a “Pyramid Discussion,” but it almost instantly calms frayed nerves and helps individuals articulate what they were thinking, why they responded the way they did, why their response did or didn’t work, and what different choices they could make in the future. They’re also able to find a way to begin to repair a relationship as they handle a situation which involved conflict. Instead of me telling my kids why they shouldn’t make a certain choice, or what to do about a negative situation, they’re able to come up with that information—and implement it– themselves.

- It’s a whole lot more effective to use the Pyramid to generate socially effective responses than it is to muddle through an interaction using “authentic responses” like yelling, reprimanding, crying, sulking, etc. For years I had been telling my children to “use their words” when they’re upset or when they want something. This tool gives them an opportunity to do that with terminology that we all understand and can identify with. (It also helps me deal more effectively with their sibling conflicts—or miscommunications between my teens and me–without getting overly frustrated or upset).

- It’s been surprising how often we have all the information we need to be socially effective, but our own thoughts, needs, perceptions, or emotions keep us from accessing that information when we respond to others. The Pyramid helps us stop to think through what we’re doing or saying, with the result being that we all get along better!

- We are not the only ones who have noticed a difference in our interactions with each other. Visitors (including the kids’ friends) have asked about the Pyramid pieces lying around or the Pyramid-related comments that we make to each other, and have wanted to learn more about what we’re doing. They quickly begin using the same terminology, and are able to grasp the concepts well in order to participate in our discussions.

Once when I presented on The Social Response Pyramid, someone asked, “Is that being done in every school, because it should be!” I informed him that not every school does it because relatively few people know about it. I’m hoping that as you become more familiar with the tool, you’ll provide feedback that will guide my work in developing new resources related to the Pyramid. You can tell your friends, family, and school staff about this resource. You can “Like” it on Facebook to receive notices as I develop additional Pyramid resources like the new downloadable pdf worksheet/discussion guide at http://thegraycenter.org/bookstore?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=288&category_id=24. You can purchase a presentation, training, or support through my Coaching or Consulting services (available in person, in my office in West Michigan, or through phone or Skype).

My goal is that the Pyramid would be a tool that helps all of us interact more effectively with each other, so that we can enjoy our relationships and experience social success!

Laurel Falvo, CFLE

Certified Family Life Educator

Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

laurel@thegraycenter.org

P.S. Would you like to take the “Pyramid Challenge?” You purchase the Social Response Pyramid KIT at http://thegraycenter.org/bookstore?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=97&category_id=8&keyword=kit.