One of my favorite structures in the world is the Mackinaw Bridge, which spans the Mackinaw Straits between the upper and lower peninsulas of Michigan. Not only does nostalgia increase my love for this bridge, since I have delightful memories of camping at its base as a child, but the sheer beauty and engineering genius of this massive structure tend to instill awe and appreciation. Added to this is the fact that the only other means to reach the beautiful upper peninsula of Michigan is to take a boat or airplane, or to drive all the way around Lake Michigan, through Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin, or through Canada. The wide gap of water is spanned by the five-mile long bridge.
What does the Mackinaw Bridge—or any bridge—have to do with social understanding? Every social interaction takes place between two or more unique individuals. There will undoubtedly be gaps in each interaction, caused by:
- The innate differences between each person’s individual CONTEXT, or unique experiences, personalities, interests, abilities, preferences, expectations, etc.
-Cultural, gender, age, and/or language differences
-Different goals and levels of understanding
-The presence of a diagnosis such as an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), with differences in executive functioning, sensory integration, social, emotional, and boundary intelligence, theory of mind, and more. (NOTE: It is not only individuals with ASD who struggle in some or all of these areas!)
For awhile, I’ve been presenting on the topic, “The Autistic Brain and the Neuro-typical Brain: Bridging the Gap Toward Effective Social Interactions.” The presentation takes a look at the types of gaps involved in an interaction with a person with ASD, as well as strategies to help “bridge” the gaps. (A videotaped version of that presentation is available for purchase as a DVD at www.thegraycenter.org).
Even as I teach, I continue to learn more about such differences and how to help people (myself and others) be more effective in their interactions with one another. I made an interesting observation a few weeks ago. I was asking my husband about spark plugs in vehicles, which I suspected might make another interesting analogy for my “bridging the gap” presentation. Steve noted that the gap has to be there in order for the spark plug to do its job!
While it might be more convenient if the two peninsulas of Michigan were joined, it wouldn’t be as beautiful or as noteworthy without the need for the “Mighty Mac” bridge. Interactions between two or more people would be quite dull—and perhaps less necessary– if we were all the same! Gaps in social interactions might cause some frustrations, but they’re there for a reason—because we are unique individuals. Our “bridges,” then, need to focus not on making everyone think or act just like us (or making the gap disappear, although sometimes we will wisely attempt to narrow the gap), but on understanding each other so that we can connect successfully and enjoy effective interactions with each other!
Best wishes as you work to bridge the gaps in your interactions with other unique individuals! A wide variety of resources are available at www.thegraycenter.org to help you in your work, including Social Stories, Social Behavior Mapping, The Incredible 5-Point Scale, The Owner’s Manuals, and the Social Response Pyramid.
Laurel Falvo, Certified Family Life Educator
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
www.thegraycenter.org
P.S. I have a few fall openings for providing trainings at conferences or in-services. Contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org if you’d like more information about scheduling a presentation.
The Gray Center has accomplished the move to our new office! We’re excited about the new people we’ve been able to meet, our new volunteers, and new ventures that we’re working on. Here’s what’s new:
- OFFICE: Rachelle and Amy have been coming in to inventory and set up our library (which will hopefully re-open sometime next month) and help with office duties. We’ll need more volunteers this fall, for answering phones, greeting guests, helping with marketing, etc. If you could spare a couple of hours each week, please contact me at laurel@thegraycenter.org to get on our fall schedule.
- GROUPS: We received a grant from the Grand Rapids Community Foundation to run girls’ groups through the summer. The girls have been enjoying exciting outings and activities, facilitated by Gray Center staff members Ann Mary, Christy, and Robin and their helpers. Christy and Nelson have continued the Young Adult Network and corresponding parent group at their new location in Grand Rapids, also. We’re in the process of planning new fall groups for our Zeeland location. Let us know if there’s something you’d like us to provide!
-EVENTS: We’re busy planning events for the next year. Some of our events will be coordinated with our new City on a Hill neighbors, CLC Network (provides assistance to churches), Autism Society of West Shore (a fabulous lakeshore service for families with ASD), and Compassionate Heart Ministries (provides a fun respite program for kids with disabilities). To find out more about our neighbors and to access their valuable services, go to www.coahm.org. Watch future SUN News articles and our web site for dates and other information about upcoming events.
-PRESENTATIONS: Carol Gray has developed the “next generation” guidelines and criteria for writing and using this helpful tool, which she calls “Social Stories 10.1.” She and Team Social Stories(TM) have been providing this training around the world. I have also been traveling to train parents, professionals, and teens how to use the Social Response Pyramid(TM) at home and at school. Sondra Williams has been sharing her perspective and insights as a person with ASD with eager and grateful audiences. More information about all of these opportunities—and many more– is available at www.thegraycenter.org.
-BOOKSTORE: In addition to the great resources already in our bookstore at www.thegraycenter.org, we’re evaluating new titles and producing new resources (including the Social Response Pyramid Instructional KIT). Please let us know if there’s a resource you’d like us to sell.
-SOCIAL NETWORKING: We’re eager to learn more from YOU—to have you share valuable information (links, tips, resources) with us and with each other. You can now find us on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter (links are available on our home page at www.thegraycenter.org). And we’re setting up a new blog to make it easier to share your ideas at http://thegraycenter.blogspot.com/. Please take a minute to visit those, to forward them to your friends and family, and to interact with us through those avenues.
-FINANCES: The economy has impacted The Gray Center along with many other nonprofits. However, our move enables us to further cut expenses, and your donations and book purchases are helping us continue to provide valuable information and support for people affected by autism. If you are able to help us financially, please go to www.thegraycenter.org to give quickly and safely online, or send a check to The Gray Center, 100 Pine St. Suite 121, Zeeland, MI 49464. (You can also support the Gray Center financially–at no additional cost to you–by using www.iGive.com/graycenter as the gateway to your online shopping at hundreds of online merchants! To date, our supporters have raised $430.26 for us this way.)
There’s a lot that’s new at The Gray Center, but one thing hasn’t changed. We’re still totally committed to people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), and to helping you promote social understanding around the world. Thank you for partnering with us!
Laurel Falvo, CFLE
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
www.thegraycenter.org
P.S. The Gray Center is pleased to be the official home of Social Stories(TM) and The Social Response Pyramid(TM). All of our resources for these two educational tools are on SALE through Saturday! Be sure to check out the special discounts on books, pdf downloads of Quarterlies and Social Stories 10.0, DVDs (workshops and Storymovies), and the new Pyramid Instructional KIT!
Somewhere in the Redwood National Park in California, there’s a tree with the reputation of being the current tallest tree in the world. I’ve read that they do not publicize exactly where the tree is located, or mark it with a sign or other form of distinction. Apparently the reason for that is to protect the tree from footsteps that would harden the earth around the base of the tree, threatening the delicate ecosystem in which the tree is growing.
I wonder…are people more appreciative of the entire area, knowing that somewhere in that park is the tallest tree? Do they look at each tree and marvel at its height, wondering if perhaps that one is the tallest?
Many of you are teaching in a classroom where there is an individual diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). I wonder…would we teach differently if we knew that someone in the class had ASD, but we didn’t know which one? Would we explain our directions more carefully? Would we work with the entire class to foster effective social interactions, rather than focusing on the directives of one student’s IEP (individualized education plan)?
Many of you are parents of a child (or more than one child) with ASD. I wonder…would we parent differently if we accepted that our children–regardless of the presence of a diagnosis–need clear expectations, and predictable structure, including consistent, natural consequences for the choices they make? Do we parent one child differently because he or she has a diagnosis?
Now, I know that the presence of ASD is an important consideration in teaching and parenting any given individual. Information about a diagnosis can help us better understand the perspective of the individual, and approach him or her with valuable strategies that may prove helpful in our parenting and teaching—and in their learning and interacting. But I’m guessing that visitors and employees at the Redwood National Park know that every one of the trees in that park deserves protection and admiration. In the same way, we should ensure that we are working to know and appreciate each individual with whom we live and work, with or without a diagnosis, so that we can recognize and accommodate both their strengths as well as their challenges.
Perhaps a change in perspective and a renewed appreciation for each individual can help us also protect the “delicate ecosystem” of our homes, classrooms, and workplaces.
Best wishes as you continue to do this in your own corner of the world!
Laurel Falvo, Certified Family Life Educator
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
www.thegraycenter.org
P.S. If you’re like me, you may enjoy “surfing” the Internet at all hours of the day and night. Remember that our online store never closes. You can visit us at www.thegraycenter.org for our tried and true favorites, as well as newer additions such as: Adults on the Autism Spectrum Leave the Nest, Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety, Boys’ Guide to Becoming a Teen, Girls Growing up on the Autism Spectrum, Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome, Understanding Death and Illness and What They Teach About Life, and posters and note cards by our Gray Center girls’ group, which make great gifts for teens, teachers, and grandparents.
Following is an article I originally wrote a couple of years ago.
Recently my 4-year-old daughter called me into her room to examine her clock radio. She proudly announced, “It says, ‘N-A-P! That spells nap!’ While I was excited for her that she was able to read this new word, I was also extremely disgusted. Although I’ve had successful experiences with numerous clock radios over the years, this one has me stumped! It doesn’t help that the instructional manual is long gone, probably discarded with the packaging material years ago. After being unsuccessful with various attempts at canceling the nap feature, I finally turned the volume way down and hoped it wouldn’t cause any problems later in the night. About 20 minutes after my daughter went to bed, she suddenly ran upstairs screaming, “My clock is beeping, Mom!” Fortunately, once the feature had been activated, I was able to shut it off, and the word nap no longer appeared on the display. Unfortunately, I learned nothing from the experience that will help me to resolve this issue the next time it happens!
It strikes me that each child in our families and classrooms is somewhat like this clock radio. Not one of them comes with an instructional manual. And while many of us have extensive experience with children (much of it successful), sometimes we feel as though nothing could prepare us for a specific problem or question with which we are currently faced. And often, even after working through that problem or question, we feel as though we don’t know what worked, or why it worked. Many of us may feel like John Wilmot, to whom this quote is attributed: Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.
At my house, when I struggle with electronics, I go to the experts for assistance–my sons! Somehow, whether they’re using the remote, VCR or DVD player, digital camera, computer, or microwave, they don’t seem to need the instructional manuals which I’ve misplaced! Similarly, there’s often value in going to others for assistance with life’s difficulties, whether it’s a parenting issue, a classroom problem, or a struggling friendship or other relationship. Sometimes the experiences of others give them unique insight that will help us get “unstuck,” or provide a new way of looking at situations.
There is tremendous value in recognizing, and even acknowledging to others, that we do not have all the answers. Alexander Pope once said, “A man should never be ashamed to own he has been wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.” At The Gray Center, we believe it’s important to connect with others to share experiences and ideas. We receive daily e-mails from around the world, asking for advice and affirmation, or sharing stories and ideas, as people work to promote social understanding with and on behalf of individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). We hope not only that you will keep writing to us, but that you will continue to network with others so that you can share your expertise, support each other through difficult times, and encourage each other in the valuable work you are doing.
Although there is no “one size fits all” instructional manual for the individuals with whom you live and work, we’ve compiled some great resources to assist you. You can find those at www.thegraycenter.org. Note that many are still on sale as we wrap up our fiscal year and complete our move to our new office. Your tax-deductible donations at this time are particularly appreciated as we work to develop programming at our new location and resume a higher level of staffing (donations can be made safely and quickly online at www.thegraycenter.org).
Best wishes in your continued work of promoting social understanding! Friends and family can sign up to receive these weekly articles at www.thegraycenter.org.
Laurel Falvo, Certified Family Life Educator
Executive Director, The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
laurel@thegraycenter.org
P.S. My new “Social Response Pyramid Instructional Kit” is now available, and can be purchased online at www.thegraycenter.org! The kit contains all that you need to begin using the Pyramid at home or in the classroom, including a 55 minute instructional DVD and Pyramid and context pieces.
