Showing Respect at School

Much of an ordinary school day, in addition to focusing on specific academics such as math, science, or reading, is spent learning how to interact effectively with other people. A significant component of social success involves showing respect toward others’ feelings, possessions, time, and space. Although some people seem to learn this concept more quickly or intuitively, others may need specific (and both frequent and ongoing) instruction. The following is a Social Story(TM) taken from The Gray Center’s 2006 Summer issue of “The Social Stories(TM) Quarterly” (which can be purchased ON SALE this week along with all other Social Story(TM) resources at www.thegraycenter.org). It is a Story that can be adapted to suit the needs and abilities of an individual student, by separating it into shorter Stories, adapting the vocabulary, or even writing additional Stories to explain imbedded concepts.

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How Do People Show Respect at School?

 

Respect is being careful and thoughtful with other people.  Parents and children show respect with kind words and actions.  Respect helps everyone feel welcome, comfortable and safe.   Here are a few ways that people show respect at school.

 

Respect is carefully helping another person.  There are many ways people in a school help each other.  If someone in my school is carrying lots of books, I might be able to help.  I could say, “Can I help you carry those books?” 

 

Respect is using kind words with a gentle voice, often with a smile, too!  When teachers read to children, they use a gentle voice.  Many students feel comfortable and safe when their teachers read to them. 

 

People keep learning about what respect is as they grow.  They learn how respect looks and sounds.  They learn how to use respect when working with others.  My teachers and principal were children once.  They grew up.  They have been learning about respect for many, many years.  If I have questions about respect, they may be able to answer them.

 

Respect is being careful and thoughtful with other people.  Students, teachers, and other people at school show respect with kind words and actions.  Respect helps everyone feel welcome, comfortable and safe.

(Social Story copyright 2006, The Gray Center)

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Ultimately, respect is an awareness of another person’s feelings, rights, and possessions, and an ability to adjust our own responses accordingly– in a way which protects and esteems both ourselves and others. We would all do well to remember that respect is a two-way street. Others, whether they are our students, family members, friends or colleagues, or people we meet on the street or in the grocery store, are more likely to show respect toward us if they receive it from us first!

 

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

 

NOTE: Parents and professionals who would like to write their own Social Stories(TM) for use with their students or clients can receive the necessary instruction in a variety of ways. Carol Gray’s guidelines and criteria are available as a download on our web site in the form of “Social Stories(TM) 10.0.” (Her DVD, “Writing Social Stories(TM) with Carol Gray” can also be purchased there). Carol will personally explain her newly revised guidelines and criteria at an exciting workshop being held at The Gray Center on Friday, October 17! Save the date, and watch our web site for further registration details! If you’re unable to travel to West Michigan for this event, you can have a trainer come to your district or conference. Contact christy@thegraycenter.org for more information about our approved Team Social Stories(TM) presenters.

More back-to-school

For two years (2005 and 2006), The Gray Center produced “The Social Stories(TM) Quarterly” to provide examples of Social Stories(TM) and Social Articles(TM) that parents and professionals can adapt and use in their work with individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD)—or any students. Those resources are mostly available now as downloads from our web site, for just a nominal fee.

 

Each summer issue of this resource focused on topics related to school. In 2005, each Quarterly specifically addressed transitions, since we recognize that much of a person’s ability to be successful in a variety of situations and environments depends on an ability to adequately handle transitions. The following is a Social Article(TM) taken from the Summer 2005 Quarterly. It could be used with older students, or those who have advanced language skills. It can also be adapted to fit the needs of the audience.

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*STAYING CALM CAN HELP PEOPLE FACE TRANSITIONS MORE SUCCESSFULLY

A transition is a process that moves someone or something along from one place, event, activity, or person, to another. Individuals are faced with transitions from an early age. From the time a person is an infant they are moved from place to place and are being held by numerous people. As an individual grows older they may have an adult help them through transitions. When an individual becomes a young adult they usually begin handling transitions on their own. Each individual deals with numerous transitions on a daily basis.

 

Some transitions might come easily to a person because they have been practiced for many years. Other transitions are unexpected or more challenging. Whatever the transition may be, it is important for each individual to feel calm and comfortable during this time. When a person is calm and comfortable the transition usually happens more smoothly.

 

There are many ways to help an individual remain calm and feel comfortable through a transition. These techniques are sometimes called relaxation techniques. Each individual is unique, which means that the technique they use to calm themselves may not be the same as another person. This is okay. Each individual can usually find a technique to help him or her to relax and feel comfortable.

 

There are many ways in which people choose to relax and stay calm. For some individuals, listening to music before an activity or event helps an individual remain calm and comfortable. Since there are many types of music, it may take time to find the type of music that helps a person relax. Some individuals may find jazz music relaxing, while others might prefer classical music.  Many people find that a quiet place helps them relax. Often times when it is quiet, an individual is able to focus and think about how to handle an upcoming situation or transition. Others may count to ten silently to calm their thoughts and emotions. This technique might be particularly useful when an individual does not have the time to prepare for a transition or is in an unfamiliar place. For some individuals, thinking about a favorite place or person is helpful when going through a transition. When an individual is able to think about something positive or which makes them happy, it can have a calming and relaxing effect. 

 

There are some transitions that an individual can expect. If someone is going on a trip, there could be many transitions while traveling from home to the final destination. When an individual is aware that a transition is going to occur, it can be easier to relax and think about how to remain calm. While traveling, people can think ahead about how to get there, what to pack, and what to do once they get to their destination.

 

Not all transitions are expected. An airline passenger whose boarding pass shows that they will be seated on an airplane in row 12, seat A, may be surprised to find someone else sitting in that seat. A situation like this can cause anxiety and frustration in some people because it is a transition that is unexpected. Not all relaxation techniques will work to stay calm in unexpected situations, (there might not be a quiet place to think or to listen to music). In these situations, taking a deep breath or silently counting to ten may help. Asking for help may be useful during an unexpected transition. This individual might ask the person already sitting in their seat to check his/her ticket to make sure they were in the right seat. Or, a flight attendant may be able to help clarify the seating arrangement.

 

It is important for people to be prepared for expected and unexpected transitions. Finding a relaxation technique can be helpful when handling the many transitions individuals encounter every day!

(*Social Article copyright 2005, The Gray Center)

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An additional resource which teaches methods for staying calm during transitions (and accessing strategies to make that possible) is “The Planner Guide.” This is particularly useful for older students who have more significant cognitive delays, since it is very visual and does not rely so heavily on written language. More information about this resource is available at www.theplannerguide.com. A very adaptable resource for teaching similar concepts is “The Incredible 5-Point Scale,” by Kari Dunn Buron. (This resource is available at www.thegraycenter.org).

 

Teachers can feel better prepared for the presence of students with ASD by reading additional resources. Although the list of helpful books is too extensive to include here, some excellent resources include “Answers to Questions Teachers Ask about Sensory Integration,” “Asperger Syndrome and the Elementary School Experience,” “Asperger Syndrome in the Inclusive Classroom,” and “Asperger Syndrome: What Teachers Need to Know.” All of these resources (including the Social Stories Quarterly) can be purchased from The Gray Center at www.thegraycenter.org.

 

Sometimes, as we approach the back-to-school season, parents and school staff also need to employ strategies for dealing with our own frustration, difficult transitions, and anxiety. We can do ourselves and our students a huge favor by addressing our own needs in a successful way. Often, when we stay calm, our students also have a greater chance of staying calm and experiencing success!

 

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

 

P.S. Carol Gray has recently REVISED her guidelines and criteria for writing Social Stories(TM)! She will be presenting on this topic, providing hands-on instruction and personal feedback at our West Michigan lakeshore office location (in Zeeland, MI) on Friday, October 17, from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Watch our web site for further registration information. You won’t want to miss this exciting workshop! And if you’re in the West Michigan area, remember that you can join our staff for a brainstorming and information session for parents of middle-school students on Monday, August 18. Details are available at www.thegraycenter.org

Back to School!

In our area of West Michigan, school children, parents, school staff, and retailers are gearing up for the back-to-school season. Store aisles are filled with shoppers gathering notebooks, binders, pencils, calculators, and crayons. Teachers are designing bulletin boards and preparing lesson plans. Custodians are polishing floors even as administrators finalize calendars and other details. Families are fitting in last-minute vacations and outings before their children head back into the classroom.

For students with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), “back to school” may generate either excitement as they anticipate a return to a comfortable routine (for many, the lack of structure during a vacation can be very difficult), or apprehension as they contemplate new, and perhaps unknown, details such as schedules, classmates, teachers, and more.

Following are just a few suggestions for helping students ease back into the school routine after a summer (or other) break:

1. Start the routine before it’s needed. Don’t wait until the night before school starts to set an earlier bedtime (or an earlier wake-up time the next morning). Begin easing into the school schedule a couple of weeks before school starts. And consider adding other elements that will be present once school starts, perhaps breakfast at an earlier time, and some late afternoon “homework”—working on flashcards, creative writing, etc. as a way of getting prepared for academic pursuits.

2. Provide students with as much information as possible about the upcoming transition. Can you visit the classroom and meet the teacher? Have a play-date with one or two new classmates? Practice getting on and off a school bus? Drive the route from home to school (and back)? Get a copy of the schedule, and help familiarize the student with it? This type of information—especially the hands-on variety—can ease a lot of anxiety and prepare students for what lies ahead.

3. Enlist necessary assistance. Do you need to write a letter to your child’s teacher to help that person better understand your child? Perhaps you can discuss your child’s sensory needs with an occupational therapist to line up some strategies for dealing with increased sensory difficulties with the return to school. Are there other parents who can provide valuable information about the school routine, or strategies they’ve used to help their children acclimate to a new school year?
I’m sure that many of you reading this article have additional suggestions for easing back into the school routine. I hope you’ll share those here. Other readers will benefit from your experience and creative ideas!

If you live in the West Michigan area, you can join our staff for an informational and brainstorming session for parents of middle-school students on August 18. More details are available on our web site at www.thegraycenter.org.

Thank you for all you’re doing to help ensure the success of individuals with ASD and their classmates!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. Remember that as you purchase school supplies (books, clothing, computers, dorm décor), your online purchases can greatly benefit The Gray Center’s work! Just log onto www.iGive.com/graycenter as your gateway to online shopping, and we will receive a portion of all of your purchases, at no additional cost to you! So far you have helped us raise $361.49. Thank you for your support!

Restoring Balance in Relationships

In past issues of the SUN News, I have described the importance of social understanding. I trust that most, if not all of you, share the conviction that social understanding is a vital part of promoting success for individuals with ASD.

So how do we convey that to our children? I once had a discussion with one of my sons which might serve as a helpful model. I used as an illustration a “balance scale;” the kind that has a cup on each side, to which weight is added or taken away to enable the scale to even out in the middle, or to balance. Any changes to the scale (adding or taking away weight from either side), disturbs the balance. To restore the balance, weight needs to be added or taken away from the opposite side.

I explained to my son that a relationship is much like a balance scale. In a perfect world, every relationship would always be precisely balanced. However, relationships are “organic,” in the sense that they are always growing and changing. In truth, relationships generally struggle to maintain a rather delicate balance, which is frequently and easily upset by unkind or insensitive words, neglectful or hurtful acts, inattention to detail, etc. Very quickly the relationship scale is lopsided. However, in a relationship, particularly one which recognizes the importance of social understanding, the participants work hard to regain balance. Situations can be “repaired” and balance restored through the use of apologies (and forgiveness), kind acts or words, a desire to understand what went wrong, and a resolve to try new, more helpful strategies in the future.

I reminded my son that when he is discouraged by a lopsided relationship, where misunderstanding, sadness, hurt, jealousy, anger, or frustration are present, that this is simply a sign that it is time to rebalance; to choose a strategy to repair the damage and restore balance to the relationship.

Naturally, this will work better in some relationships than others. In fact, professional intervention may be necessary when a relationship is characterized by one person’s need for power and control. In extreme cases, this may lead to bullying or even abuse, when one person is determined to maintain an unbalanced relationship, to the detriment of the other person. (In the presence of such relationships, a “break”—whether temporary or more long-term—may be needed for physical and emotional protection).

My son and I both appreciated the opportunity to view relationships through a practical and visual illustration which emphasizes the opportunity to continue to work to achieve comfortable, healthy balance with other people. Since then, we have used the analogy often to understand and appreciate the changing dynamics in family and peer relationships. We hope you will find this to be helpful, too!

Laurel A. Hoekman, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
laurel@thegraycenter.org

P.S. The Gray Center sells many resources that can help in the area of relationships and socialization. “The Hidden Curriculum,” and “Stick Up for Yourself” help teach understanding of relationship skills to individuals with ASD. “Comic Strip Conversations,” by Carol Gray, enables those with ASD to see the relationship “scale” more accurately and vividly as they evaluate conversations or situations which they’ve encountered. Many of the resources by Michelle Garcia Winner help individuals see how their words or actions affect those around them, as do those by Kari Dunn Buron. Linda Hodgdon’s “Visual Strategies” book will enable parents and professionals to incorporate other practical strategies at home and in school. For help with bullying (and preventing bullying), we recommend resources in our bullying category (including those by Carol Gray and Nick Dubin). For these and many more relevant resources, go to www.thegraycenter.org!