Archive for January, 2008

Autism and Worship

Posted January 28, 2008
Filed under: Social Understanding, autism |
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Many schools are making efforts to educate their teachers, staff, and students about autism spectrum disorders (ASD), and to fully include those with ASD and other diagnoses. Laws mandate some aspects of this, colleges provide at least basic instruction to future teachers, and advocacy groups work to ensure that progress is ongoing.

There is another area where such awareness is needed, but frequently is not available. That is in our places of worship. Many people who gather, perhaps weekly or even more often, are not aware of autism and its implications for those with the diagnosis and their loved ones. Often staff is comprised of volunteers who teach education classes, lead worship, or organize social events. Even paid staff may not have had any training in the field of autism.

Unfortunately, the “body of believers” may perhaps inadvertently end up excluding those with autism because they do not understand the reason for their differences. An inflexible worship tradition may leave no room for either frustrated or happy outbursts from those with ASD, or for a need to move, fidget, rock, or engage in some other form of “stimming” behavior. Crowded classes taught by dedicated but untrained teachers are set up to meet the needs of the majority, with the minority sometimes being asked to leave or sit quietly in the corner. The sensory environment, with its sounds, lighting, movements, or smells may be distracting for the individual with ASD, or may make it impossible for them to be a part of the worship service. Similarly, the “social environment” commonly found as worshippers interact with one another can isolate those for whom social interaction is awkward or difficult. Those with ASD may find that coffee times, liturgy, potlucks, outings, youth groups, etc. hold the potential for fear, loneliness, or overload rather than enjoyment.

National studies indicate that more than 80 percent of people with disabilities do not attend church, though many want to. Their families are frequently affected, also, by the lack of awareness or enfolding by fellow worshippers. Many parents take turns worshipping so that one parent is available to be home with their child. Others simply give up, often after facing painful rejection or insensitive comments.

Obviously, there is much work to be done in this area. The good news is that awareness of the problem is increasing, as are measures to address it. The Gray Center is currently collaborating with several area organizations and churches as part of a worship renewal grant received from the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship . The purpose of the grant is to enable churches to raise awareness and provide training so that those with disabilities (any disability) can be fully included in worship. If you live in the West Michigan area, you can attend a workshop at First Baptist Church of Middleville on Saturday, February 2nd. Details are available at www.thegraycenter.org. (This workshop specifically addresses the needs of those with ASD, although my Social Response Pyramid presentation contains information that can be applied much more broadly). Other church workshops are being planned for later in the spring in Holland, Michigan–watch our web site for further details.Several resources are available to help parents and worshippers better understand ASD and how to minister to those with the diagnosis, as well as their families. Some of my favorites include, “Autism and Your Church” and “Helping Kids Include Kids with Disabilities” by talented educator/author/presenter Barb Newman, as well as Sondra Williams’ book, “Reflections of Self.” As a person with ASD, Sondra offers incredible insight into her ability to understand God, as well as some of the issues she has encountered as she has looked for a comfortable and welcoming place to worship. The Gray Center is pleased to make available a presentation that Sondra gave at a church workshop last year. That can be purchased and downloaded at http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&product_id=188. (NOTE: The Gray Center will be committing 100 percent of the proceeds from the sale of Sondra’s book, DVD, and MP3 download through April to our new Sondra Williams Endowment fund. Details of this new fund will be added to our web site as they become available.)

Friendship Ministries is an international, inter-denominational ministry committed to sharing God’s love with people who have cognitive impairments and to enable them to become an active part of God’s family. They have many educational resources available, including information about forming “Friendship Classes” at your church. This is an exciting ministry that provides a welcome place for those with disabilities, with lots of one-on-one interaction and instruction. More information can be found at www.friendship.org.There are many other wonderful resources, including books, web sites, and organizations dedicated to promoting awareness and providing practical assistance in this area. If you know of others that you’d like to recommend, please post those here.

“Social understanding” is a concept that is important in all aspects of life, including our places of worship. Thank you for the work you are doing around the world to meet the unique needs of worshippers with disabilities!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. Gray Center lakeshore events being planned: OPEN HOUSE, Thursday, Feb. 7 from 4:30-7:00 (you’ll receive a FREE gift just for participating!), and Girls’ Group, Wednesday, Feb. 20. Go to www.thegraycenter.org for more details. And you won’t want to miss our next Family Resource Expo on Saturday, September 27th in Grand Rapids! Last year we had about 40 exhibitors, four presenters, lots of activities for the kids, and over 500 attendees!

Feeling Overwhelmed

Posted January 21, 2008
Filed under: Uncategorized |
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I thought life would slow down after the holidays! However, somehow the year-end parties and travels seem to have been quickly replaced by school field trips, work deadlines, doctor’s appointments, and committee meetings. I’m guessing I’m not alone in longing for a quiet day to just relax!

I’m learning that I can take steps to avoid feeling completely overwhelmed by the busyness of life. I’ll provide some of those in this article, and if you have others to suggest, I hope you’ll share those here. You might find that these ideas help you personally, or can be shared as an educational tool with the individuals with whom you work.

1. Be realistic! If you always have too much on your to-do list or calendar, you’re creating an environment where you’re likely to feel constantly overwhelmed. Is there something you can skip (at least for today), or delegate to someone else? Are you spending too much time on one thing, whether it’s a worthwhile pursuit or a bit of a “time-waster?”

2. Spell it all out. Some people are better list-makers than others. But sometimes seeing it in writing can make it easier to identify things that can be eliminated and/or to designate top priority items. I email myself a “to do” list every day. I keep it up-to-date by deleting items that I’ve completed or adding new things as they develop, and I organize the list with top priority items on the top, and lower priority items at the bottom. I am assured that I won’t forget what needs to be accomplished, while I concern myself only with those things that need to be completed first. (This can also be accomplished through the use of a PDA, computer program, or paper list, but I personally find it easier to use this email system). I have gone from a month-at-a-glance calendar, where one agenda item nearly filled up the entire space for one day, to a week-at-a-glance calendar where I can more easily identify empty spaces (or free time) in my daily agenda.

3. Give yourself the gift of time. I’ll admit that I’m frequently tempted to stay in bed “just one more minute” in the morning, and to write “just one more email” before walking out the door for a meeting. However, those little details often end up making me feel like I’m rushing through my entire day, struggling to arrive or to complete a task on time. Forcing myself to get out of bed or out the door a few minutes earlier (even if I need to set my watch a few minutes ahead of the true time) can make a huge difference in the way I feel throughout the day!

4. Limit distractions. Sometimes multi-tasking or sensory overload can negatively impact our productivity. When I really want to get things done, I turn off the TV, radio, and sometimes the telephone, and remind myself not to jump up to put in another load of laundry or to sort through the mail. I’m often surprised at how quickly I can complete a task when I devote myself to it 100 percent!

5. Take care of yourself. Eating healthy foods at regular intervals, getting physical exercise, and taking time to get a breath of fresh air can greatly improve both our attitude and our ability to get things done. Take time to nurture your friendships, especially if time with friends and loved ones lifts your spirits. If you find yourself overwhelmed to the point where you are unable to accomplish anything, you may need to consider getting some outside professional assistance.

Often, we simply need to keep things in perspective. Our activities, schedules, and deadlines can be managed, (if they can’t be eliminated), with relatively simple steps so that they do not overwhelm us.

Wishing you an enjoyable week!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

P.S. If you live near the West Michigan lakeshore, we hope you’ll join us Thursday, February 7th from 4:30-7:00 p.m. at our new Zeeland location! We’ll be hosting an open house where you’ll be able to learn more about The Gray Center and the resources we offer, as well as providing feedback for us so that we know how we can better meet your needs. You’ll receive a FREE GIFT just for participating!

Working Toward Success

Posted January 14, 2008
Filed under: Social Response Pyramid(TM), Social Understanding |
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In last week’s SUN News article, I described a common problem of expecting success to arrive without work. I mentioned that we may in fact be guilty of making success look too “easy” or “immediate” to those around us. Here are some strategies to help avoid that:

1. Verbalize the steps you go through as they occur. Lost your car keys? Talk about where you last remember seeing them, where you usually put them, and who might also have had access to them. Enlist the assistance of others who might have an idea where to find them. (I’ll confess that the last time I lost my car keys, my kids and I found them in the bathroom trash–long story, but these steps helped us experience success before the garbage truck arrived to remove our trash!) Are you planning a special meal? Talk about which ingredients you have in the house, and what you’ll need to purchase from the store. Talk about the amount of time you’ll need to prepare the meal, cook it, and get ready to eat it (setting the table, pouring beverages, etc.)

2. Involve others whenever possible. Do they have chores? Can they help make a grocery list or clip coupons before going to the store? Can they bake cookies or help set the table? If you’ve encountered a problem in the classroom, could the students help brainstorm possible solutions?

3. Emphasize choices. Make sure you provide choices that you can live with, whether you’re enabling the individual to choose between three outfits for school in the morning, or between two lunch options, or between a few chores that need to be done. Name the choice (i.e. Healthy choice, friendly choice, helpful choice, creative choice), and praise them for the choice they’ve made. (I wrote a more extensive article on this topic which you can read at http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.display&page_id=84). Discuss current events, explaining the choices others made, and ask your children or students what they would do if they were in that situation, and work together to make realistic guesses about how the outcome could have differed if different choices had been made.

4. Provide natural consequences. Did they make an ineffective or unexpected choice? Help them to see how their choice differed from better options and how their choice led to the current consequences. (Helpful resources include Michelle Garcia Winner’s “Social Behavior Mapping,” and Kari Dunn Buron’s “The Incredible 5-Point Scale.”) Whenever possible, make sure they are given information in advance about the consequences of the choices they make (i.e. If you use the time remaining to finish your math assignment, you can go out for recess. However, if you choose to do other things between now and then, and your math assignment does not get finished before the bell rings, you will need to miss recess to complete the math paper.)

5. When needed, provide visuals to increase understanding. Linda Hodgdon is a wonderful author who specializes in visual strategies. More information can be found in her book, “Visual Strategies for Improving Communication,” available through The Gray Center.

In my previous article, I detailed three factors that may contribute to an individual’s perception that success comes easily or automatically, without effort. Here’s one more! I believe that our entertainment industry has fostered the notion of success without work, and choices without consequences. The games, DVDs, and TV shows which occupy our children’s time often have very little connection to reality, and may serve to counteract your attempts to teach these important life lessons. Consider how your children and students are spending their time. Do things simply appear to happen in front of their eyes, or with the flip of a finger? If so, you may need to reduce the amount of time spent on these pursuits, or take time to talk about how they differ from real life.

We can play an important role in helping others work toward successful outcomes. I hope these suggestions have been helpful for you. If you have other ideas, feel free to post those gere.

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. Carol Gray has a great Social Story(TM) about finding something that’s lost. It has been acted out on the “Storymovies(TM)” DVD–a practical, productive resource for kids who like to watch TV! Storymovies(TM) are on SALE this week at The Gray Center! Go to www.thegraycenter.org  for a significant discount on either the Standard or Professional version.

Success Before Work?

Posted January 7, 2008
Filed under: Social Understanding, autism |
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I once heard it wisely said, “The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary!”

I have no doubt that in most cases, you’re well aware of the time and effort you’ve invested in the various outcomes you label as success. Successful relationships, job promotions, graduations, and other achievements don’t usually just happen. Instead, they follow hours, or maybe even years, of hard work! Smaller or daily successes also involve labor. Keeping your home clean, making meals, completing a project, paying bills, and checking items off your “to do list” don’t happen on their own, but come as a result of time and effort.

You may be aware of the relationship between work and success, but what about your children and students? I once asked a group of young adults about their goals for the next few years. Their answers surprised me! Most aspired to be inventors, presidents of companies, or otherwise very prosperous individuals. While that may not be so surprising in and of itself, the fact was that these particular individuals were not currently employed, not attending school, not living independently, and in most cases, not able to drive or to use public transportation independently.

While these young people had a vision for success, they had no concept of the work required to reach it! What they lacked was an action plan, or a step-by-step “map” of how to get from Point A to Point B, or from their current location/status to where they’d eventually like to be.

Some of this may be due to difficulty with “dynamic organization;” a phenomenon discussed by Michelle Garcia Winner in her DVD, “Strategies for Organization: Preparing for Homework and the Real World.” (This is available at www.thegraycenter.org, and is ON SALE this week!) Fortunately, given that this is frequently an area of difficulty for individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), the DVD and accompanying workbook contain strategies for helping them to define the steps, organize, prioritize, and develop an action plan, whether the task at hand is a term paper due in three weeks, or a goal of getting a job.

Another reason for the unrealistic goals named by the young people may be a lack of understanding of the difference between a goal and a dream, or at least between a short-term and a long-term goal. If you’re currently unemployed, while you may dream of someday being a manager at a prestigious business, a worthwhile goal, at least initially, is to simply get a job. An action plan can lay out the steps for targeting jobs that fit your interests and abilities, applying, interviewing, and of course, developing good work habits so that you’re able to keep a job once you’re hired.

As parents and teachers, we may, at least inadvertently, be contributing to others’ misconceptions regarding the important connection between work and success. How much do we do for our children and students rather than with them? Does supper seem to magically appear on the table, and clean laundry in drawers? Do we just “know” how to deal with injuries, arguments, and sudden changes in schedules? If we don’t outline the steps we take toward successful outcomes (whether those steps are physical/tangible or mental/intangible), we may be guilty of giving others the idea that success comes easily or automatically, and can be expected to arrive the same way for them.

Next week I’ll outline specific strategies for helping yourself and others in your life to work toward success!Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

Note that our new Zeeland (Michigan) office will be staffed on Monday, January 7, and most of the following Mondays. We may also be open on Wednesdays. Check our online calendar for specific details. We’re looking forward to meeting many of you there! Our Grand Rapids office will still be open for visitors, callers, and those who email.