Gray Center SUN News

Are you crafting New Year’s Resolutions for 2008? I’m guessing your resolutions don’t read like this: “This next year I’m going to keep _____________ (i.e. eating, spending, etc.) like I always have.” Usually our resolutions revolve around something that we identify as needing a makeover. Our weight is too high, our wallets are too thin, our jobs could use revitalization, our relationships have gone stale, etc.

Change is inevitable. We change our clothes when they become dirty, we dress differently for a special occasion, and we update our wardrobe as styles come and go or we outgrow (or wear out) our current attire. Family situations are transformed or modified due to death, illness, a new job, a child moving on to college or his own apartment, divorce, marriage, etc. Jobs change, classroom requirements change, and the seasons change.

We can get excited about making a New Year’s resolution as we picture a “New Me” or a “New Life” as an adventure or an obvious improvement over our current situation. Yet how many of us have the ability to hang on to that enthusiasm and determination through the New Year, let alone through the first month (or week)?

The truth is, the possibility of change often makes us uncomfortable! This is even truer for individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), who tend to prefer routine and consistency. They may be frightened by the unpredictability of the unknown. Even the language of change can be discomforting to them. Words such as “new, different, and change” can provoke very strong reactions in them.We can adapt our language to suit their need for predictability; to give them the information they need in a calm and reassuring way. When we know their “trigger words”–or those that cause them great anxiety, we can find words that are less provocative to them. For example, the words “another, additional, extra, superior, or better” may be less frightening than “new” or “different.”

However, sometimes what we don’t say is as problematic as what we do say! I still chuckle when I recall the story of family friends who were getting ready to move to a new house. They had been preparing their three-year-old for the upcoming changes by telling him how much he’d like his new bedroom, the new large backyard for playing ball, and the new basement. They were surprised that he didn’t seem very excited, until finally one day he burst into tears and said, “It sounds OK, Mommy, but I sure am going to miss you and Daddy!” In their desire to get him prepared for upcoming changes, they neglected to reassure him about those things that would stay the same! In his young mind, he had a picture of everything being new, and all the old, familiar, comforting things disappearing forever! With this in mind, don’t forget to provide that information whenever you discuss a change or transition. Help your audience hold on to those things which bring stability and comfort whenever possible, thereby easing the anxiety surrounding the knowledge that not everything will stay the same.

12/21/07 Pass it On

My kids’ former school participated in three annual all-school “track meets,” where various schools would spend a day competing in short and long races, ball throws, long jumps, etc. As a mom of kids gifted in areas other than athletics, I found these days to be somewhat painful–as did my children. They were good sports about it, trying their hardest, and keeping a smile on their faces, even though they came to expect that they would finish last–or close to last– in each event.

www.thegraycenter.org P.S. This article is arriving a few days early, due to the busyness–for me as well as for you–of the holiday season. I hope you’ll all have a blessed and safe week, regardless of how and where you may celebrate!

In 1920, American poet Robert Frost penned a much-loved poem, “The Road Not Taken.” It ends with these words, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” (You can read the entire poem here: http://www.bartleby.com/119/1.html).

The “road less traveled” is that of social understanding. It’s recognizing that there are often two (or more) perspectives to every situation, that we all have choices to make, and that there may be more to what we see than we think! This route involves the use of Social Stories(TM), Social Behavior Mapping(TM), The Social Response Pyramid(TM), The Incredible 5-Point Scale(TM), The Planner Guide(TM), and more! (Use the “Search” feature at www.thegraycenter.org for information on each of these). This route involves taking the time to understand a situation–and the people involved– and to implement strategies that don’t simply deal with an immediate issue, but that lay the foundation for true understanding — as well as future success. It’s more time-consuming, and sometimes involves additional cost. It can be emotionally and physically draining. Yet with my own children, as well as the people with whom I interact through The Gray Center, I have seen first-hand that taking this road, as Frost so eloquently pointed out, can make all the difference –for myself, and for those with whom I live and work!

The Gray Center is expanding to serve you better! We have an exciting opportunity to open an office in Zeeland, Michigan, about 30 miles west of our current office. This new office will be located at “City on a Hill Ministries,” (www.coahm.org) the former Zeeland Community Hospital building which now houses several nonprofit organizations. We believe that families from West Michigan will enjoy visiting the new office, and taking advantage of the programs and services which it will enable us to provide. For more information about this new endeavor, visit our web site at www.thegraycenter.org. 

Are you looking for the perfect holiday gift for someone on your shopping list? I’d like to suggest the following: 

1. Books and DVDs always make a great gift! Our online bookstore has a wide variety of great resources for the children, adolescents, teachers, parents, and other special people in your life. For the next few days, you can enjoy deep discounts on the books and DVDs published by The Gray Center. At these prices, you can afford to stock up, and even purchase something for yourself! Go to www.thegraycenter.org before the sale ends! 

2. How about a few social coaching sessions for yourself, your child, young adult, or for your family? Dale Ranson can spend time in person or by phone helping you to develop new patterns or solutions, whether you’re dealing with transitioning to independence, getting more organized, or being successful in school, at home, or on the job. More information is available on our web site or by emailing info@thegraycenter.org.  

3. Would you like your school district, parent group, or community to be better educated about autism spectrum disorders and the need for social understanding? Presentations also make a great gift! The Gray Center has several presenters available, and you may also have local talent available to provide this service. Contact Christy@thegraycenter.org if you’d like more information on presentations through The Gray Center. 

4. Remember that The Gray Center can use YOUR gifts at this time of year! Your financial support, book purchases, and volunteer labor all help us to accomplish our mission of promoting social understanding. Your assistance is always greatly appreciated! 

Unlike many items on gift lists around the world (including some of those in my own home), I like to think of these options as “the gifts that keep on giving”–they have the potential to have a positive life-long impact on people’s lives! 

With your help, The Gray Center is looking forward to another exciting year of programs and services. Thank you–we couldn’t do it without you! 

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding 

A few weeks ago I was approached by a middle school mom whose son was beginning to ask questions about classmates with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Although he professes to enjoy those individuals and to respect their knowledge and ability in the classroom, he has questions about some of their differences.I provided the mom with a copy of “ASD to Z,” a booklet I wrote a couple of years ago to educate people about ASD. Although I wrote it primarily for adults, upon reviewing it, I was pleased to see that it would also be appropriate for older children and young adults. It’s exciting to know that members of this population are also interested in promoting social understanding!

A few weeks ago my kids and I had the pleasure of attending a theater production of “The Jellybean Conspiracy,” put on by Jenison (Michigan) Public High School. Kudos to the students, and to their director, Todd Avery, for spotlighting the need to be truly inclusive, creating a community of kindness and an opportunity for everyone–even those with special needs–to belong and to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It was refreshing to watch a cast made up of students from both regular education and special education, and to see that they were all important to the production and to each other! It was also exciting to see the positive response within our community, both through great attendance at the shows, as well as through media coverage which seemed to recognize that this was truly something special. I strongly encourage all of you to find out more about this exciting opportunity to raise awareness and to make a difference in your own community! Go to www.jellybeanconspiracy.org for more information.Social understanding is a process that often influences one person at a time, but collectively, it makes a huge difference for people all around the world!Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

P.S. I am incredibly excited to announce the arrival of a beautiful hardcover book, “Caring for Myself.” It was written by my colleagues Christy Gast and Jane Krug, and would make a perfect holiday gift for the special child in your life! You can find it with our other resources at www.thegraycenter.org. Congratulations, Christy and Jane, on a wonderful resource that is sure to benefit countless children and families around the world!