Archive for September, 2007

What We’ve Learned

Posted September 24, 2007
Filed under: autism |
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On Saturday The Gray Center hosted its first ever “Family Resource Expo” in Grand Rapids, Michigan. We were joined by 5 presenters and 39 exhibitors (area organizations and businesses with products or services benefiting individuals with ASD and their families), and had children’s activities and fabulous raffle prizes. About 500 people attended this free event!

The Expo was not only a fun opportunity to meet new people (and to get reacquainted with old friends), but it also showed us many things:

1. There are numerous resources available to help meet the needs of parents, professionals, and individuals with ASD. It was exciting to interact with representatives from area businesses and organizations, to see what they have available, and to recognize that the quality work they are doing is bringing hope and practical assistance to many people!

2. We have a very supportive community! In the weeks leading up to this event, various businesses and organizations gave generously to support our raffle. Although some were personally connected with individuals with ASD, others were barely aware of the diagnosis, but recognized a need to support such a valuable cause. Many people volunteered their time to help us organize and run the Expo, and our five presenters also gave generously of their time and expertise.

3. The needs are still very great! People need information and support, whether they are dealing with a recent diagnosis, a transition, or an ongoing need.

We know that we are not the first to have tried an event such as this. All around the world, conferences, fundraisers, and other events are raising awareness of ASD, and making tremendous strides toward meeting the needs of those affected by this diagnosis. This is why The Gray Center has so many “networks,” from our local Parent, Grandparent, Young Adult, and Community Networks, to our world-wide Social Understanding Network, of which YOU are a valued member. We do not charge money for people to participate in these opportunities. We recognize the need to work together, to share ideas, and to support each other in our mission of promoting social understanding.

This week marks the first anniversary of the SUN News! I hope these weekly articles have been helpful to you. I’ve enjoyed writing them, and always love to receive your emails and the comments you add to this SUN News blog. Soon The Gray Center will be starting our “year-end fundraising campaign.” I hope you’ll consider giving a financial contribution to support the ongoing work of The Gray Center! We are committed to using all of our resources wisely. As a result, a very large percentage of the dollars given to The Gray Center go toward direct services as we work with people who access our web site, call, email, or visit our office and/or take part in our programs. All financial donors are listed on our SUN (Social Understanding Network) page on our web site as our way of saying “thanks” for your support!

Thank you for the work you are doing in your corner of the world, whether it’s in your home, or in a classroom, workplace, or community location, whether you accomplish your task through teaching, parenting, writing, speaking, counseling, diagnosing, or befriending others. It’s exciting to see evidences that together, we ARE making a difference!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

Surviving Chaos

Posted September 17, 2007
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Are you well-acquainted with chaos? Most parents, teachers, and employers are. Active bodies create excitement and commotion and demand attention. Unexpected changes or dilemmas require quick thinking and creative problem-solving skills. Noise and distractions are commonplace. Chaos can be aggravating, or even frightening. But I think it also provides a valuable service!

In previous issues of SUN News (which you can find at www.thegraycenter.org or on this blog) I’ve quoted my “Page-A-Day” calendar. There are two more quotes which are relevant to this discussion. The first is, “Chaos pushes us to come to new solutions for old problems.” Have you experienced this? Often it’s when we’re overwhelmed by activity and frustration that we vow to try something new to lessen the stress and confusion. This is when our creativity is pushed to new heights! This is directly related to the old adage, “Necessity is the mother of invention!”The second related quote is this, “Chaos in our lives teaches us how flexible we can be.” There’s little need for flexibility when schedules are running smoothly, projects are competed in a timely manner, and plans proceed without interruption. Yet this type of “utopia” rarely exists in the lives of those dealing with autism spectrum disorders (ASD).

Most parents of young children can testify to the presence of chaos as soon as they make or receive a phone call and attempt (but frequently fail) to hold an intelligent, coherent conversation with another person. Often chaos reigns at those times, as well as first thing in the morning when everyone is trying to get to their daily obligations (work, school, appointments), and at the end of the day, when supper is being prepared, homework needs to be done, and kids and parents are tired and testy. Chaos may be apparent during transitions, when families attempt to go on outings, or during stressful times such as illness, the addition (or loss) of a family member, or the learning of a new skill such as toilet-training or riding a bike. Chaos may also be a factor in the classroom or workplace with a change in schedule (or personnel), a fire drill or other loud noise, a field trip or other outing, or a change in expectations.

When chaos appears to be solidly in control of our lives, it’s sometimes difficult to remember that we have choices! When I give a presentation on my Social Response Pyramid(TM), I like to use the quote, “Sometimes we’re too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet!” In other words, we can get so busy reacting to chaos in our environment that we forget to determine and address the source of the problem!

Perhaps the best way to do this is to take a step back (literally and/or figuratively), and examine the following:

1. What is happening, and why? (What do I know or think, and how do I feel? What do others know, think, or feel?)

2. What is my goal? (Where am I headed? What would I like to achieve?)

3. What strategies do I have to achieve my goal (or what more do I need to know or learn to get there?)

4. Choose a strategy that’s most likely to bring success, and give it a try.

5. Go back and assess the outcome–did I achieve what I hoped to achieve? What was the effect on me and on others around me? I may need to restart this process and try a new strategy in order to be successful!

This is essentially how the Social Response Pyramid(TM) works. (More information is available at http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.display&page_id=84. Note that the Social Response Pyramid(TM) DVD should be available this week, and can be purchased on our web site!) This list of steps is also the driving force behind “Solution Circles,” a great brainstorming tool developed by Jack Pierpoint and Marsha Forest. You can find out more about this strategy at http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.display&page_id=83. The basic premise of this tool is that through creative brainstorming and a commitment to trying something new or different, a person can move at least one step beyond where he or she is currently “stuck.”

The Gray Center sells many books and other resources which contain creative solutions to the occasional chaos in our homes, schools, and workplaces. Notable authors in this area include Linda Hodgdon, Michelle Garcia Winner, Brenda Smith Myles, Kari Dunn Buron, Pamela Lewis, Chantal Sicile-Kira, Carol Stock Kranowitz, Carol Gray, Teresa Bolick, Stacy W. Betts, Matt Winter, Barbara Newman, Kristi Sakai, and Fred Frankel, just to name a few! You can use the SEARCH feature at www.thegraycenter.org to find whatever you need. And since there are so many great resources, and the needs of our audience are so varied, we’re running a special SALE just for you! From now through Saturday, you can place an order on our web site, and use the coupon code “CHAOS” (note correct spelling) to save 10% on your total order! (Be sure to “recalculate” your order to receive your discount after entering the coupon code).

Here’s one more quote about chaos: “Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth” (Tom Barrett).

Wishing all of you the opportunity to grow and learn from the chaos in your lives!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org P.S. Join us SATURDAY for our Gray Center Family Resource Expo (in Grand Rapids, MI)! We’ll be joined by 5 presenters and 35 exhibitors, and will have activities for children and lots of great raffle prizes. This is a FREE event! Check our web site for complete details.

Sorry!

Posted September 10, 2007
Filed under: Social Understanding |
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I remember playing the board game “Sorry!” (by Parker Brothers) with my sisters when I was younger. Each player had four pawns, and the object of the game was to move those four pawns around the board and toward “home.” The first player to do so was the winner. The excitement of the game was heightened by the opportunity to send an opponent’s pawn back to the beginning, while saying, “Sorry!”Those playing the game recognized that the word “sorry” was not a genuine expression of sadness, regret, or empathy. Instead, it was pronounced gleefully (and with tremendous gloating) simply as a step toward hopefully winning the game, and generally, it served to provoke an intense desire for revenge on the part of the other player.

Unfortunately, life all too often mimics this game. We tend to say, “I’m sorry” because we recognize that it’s a way to get what we want, to make an uncomfortable situation go away, or to “follow the rules.” Too frequently, the term is not indicative of remorse, a sense of responsibility, or a genuine desire to repair the damage or to do things differently in the future.

So if games and casual interactions in our society tend to teach us to flippantly say, “Sorry!” without true feeling, how can we teach such a difficult and abstract concept to those with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) and/or other students?

One tool is a book that we’ve just added to our bookstore at www.thegraycenter.org. “Sorry!” by Trudy Ludwig, is a beautiful hardcover children’s book about young Jack, who is swayed in his decision-making by Charlie, who encourages him to do wrong things, then to say, “Sorry!” to get out of trouble afterwards. By the end of the book, Jack has learned the cost (in terms of integrity, trust, and relationships) of following Charlie’s lead. Not all students will relate to the story and get the message about the importance of being sincere in making apologies–and doing our best to avoid situations which would lead to remorse. But the suggestions at the back of the book are priceless! Did you know that there are four parts to a sincere apology? The afterword contains details that can help us teach this concept to our students–and also positively affect the way WE make apologies to others! Other tools which can be used to help explain how (and why) to make a sincere apology include Social Stories(TM), Social Behavior Mapping(TM), Comic Strip Conversations(TM), The Social Response Pyramid(TM), and visuals. More information on all of these can be found on our web site at www.thegraycenter.org. Remember that people often learn by example. We can make a huge difference in others’ lives by modeling sincere apologies, whether it’s with children or peers.

Thank you for all you do to promote social understanding!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding

www.thegraycenter.org

P.S. If you live in or around West Michigan, we hope you’ll plan to join us for our Family Resource Expo on Saturday, September 22nd! We have five talented presenters coming, including Carol Gray. More than 30 exhibitors will be joining us to inform attendees about available products, programs, and services. And we’ll have children’s activities and lots of wonderful raffle prizes! Best of all, this event is FREE! Find out all the details at www.thegraycenter.org, and be sure to pass the information along to others who might want to join us!

Planning and Working

Posted September 3, 2007
Filed under: autism |
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“Planning before work protects us from regret.” (Page a Day Calendar) It’s true that forging ahead with a task without planning the steps or considering the outcome can lead to unpleasant consequences. How often have you started a project without evaluating the time needed to complete it, the materials required, or the usefulness of the end result? Perhaps you are living with unfinished projects due to this issue, or have suffered the consequences of a job poorly done. Children who approach tasks in this way may end up being punished or having rewards taken away. Even adults may encounter a similar outcome in their workplace. Time and effort may be wasted as you restart the task to eliminate the results of beginning without planning. You may even miss opportunities for success due to your lack of planning.

Over time, most of us learn to consider these lessons prior to beginning a task, which helps to protect us from frequent failure and unpleasant consequences, and may lead to greater productivity. Yet planning before work is often very difficult for those with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), even after repeated failures. Why is this?

Individuals with ASD may have difficulty with the concept of time. When a research paper is assigned in a high school class with a due date three weeks in the future, some students may write down the assignment and close their planners, unaware of the significance of the time allotted. When asked how they’re progressing on the project, they likely reply, “It’s not due for three weeks!” The result for these students is that the due date comes and goes without a completed project, or the student picks up the task the night before it’s due, thinking that the research paper can be completed in one night.

Lack of motivation may also be an issue. Often the hardest part of a task is getting started, and if the necessary motivation isn’t there, the job never gets started.

Another common tendency for these students is to look ahead at the finished product, with no idea of the steps required to get there. It’s as though they “can’t see the trees for the forest.” A student may recognize the importance of the assignment and its due date, but be unable to define or sequence the steps needed to initiate the task and bring it to a successful completion.

Are these students doomed to a life of late assignments and “incompletes” on their report cards? Not at all! Sometimes they may need additional assistance from a teacher, parent, or tutor, with various deadlines spelled out for helping them to sequence and complete the tasks leading up to the final project. A checklist may prove helpful in these instances. Michelle Garcia Winner’s “Strategies for Organization: Preparing for Homework and the Real World,” is a valuable resource for learning to work with those who have difficulty prioritizing or organizing their time or tasks. The DVD and accompanying booklet provide more information about the problem, as well as templates for proactively addressing this issue and teaching helpful strategies. And this great resource is ON SALE at www.thegraycenter.org this week!Other resources that might be helpful include, “How to do Homework Without Throwing Up” and “True or False? Tests Stink!” (great books for kids with a sense of humor), and for professionals, “Sticker Strategies to Encourage Social Thinking and Organization,” (by Michelle Winner), “Asperger Syndrome: What Teachers Need to Know” (by Matt Winter), and the Fall 2000 issue of “The Jenison Autism Journal,” which contains great articles on homework. ALL of these resources are ON SALE through Saturday at www.thegraycenter.org! Of course, planning before work doesn’t always protect us from regret. Think of the parties, programs, and other special events that you’ve spent hours planning, but which were affected by or succumbed to unexpected changes, weather-related disappointments, or other disruptions. We cannot guarantee success for those with ASD by teaching them to plan, but we know that when we’re able to equip them with tools to deal with life as it comes, they are much more likely–as we are–to be successful!

Best wishes to all of you in your planning and working!

Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director

The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding www.thegraycenter.org