Archive for April, 2007|Monthly archive page
Roadblocks
I remember hearing a story about a young person with autism who regularly went for a bike ride, following the same route each time. One day he did not return home. When his family went looking for him, they found him standing, bewildered, at a sign indicating a road closure. If you are familiar with ASD (autism spectrum disorders), you may feel that this is predictable, given a common difficulty with imagining new responses or solutions to novel situations.
Yet I believe that many of us suffer from the same difficulty–perhaps not with actual roadblocks out on the highways and byways, but more likely with “life’s roadblocks.” From receiving a diagnosis for a young child (whether or not it was anticipated), to facing difficult behaviors, to struggling through sleepless nights, to manipulating diets or medications to achieve maximum results, to striving to teach an important but seemingly difficult lesson, we are frequently faced with what at first glance may appear to be the end of the road.
At such a roadblock, we need to determine whether we will shut down while viewing it as a permanent dead end, or look around for new options so that the roadblock becomes only a temporary setback. Business-woman Mary Kay Ash apparently has said, “For every failure, there’s an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.”
How can you develop a detour? How do you keep going when you feel as though you’re at the end of your road?
- Find just one thing to try that’s different from what you’ve tried before.
- Allow yourself to rest for a moment, taking time to assess the situation and think through possible alternatives.
- Ask for directions. Utilize the creativity, gifts, and experiences of those around you to spark new possibilities for your situation.
- Remember that tomorrow is a new day, bringing with it new opportunities and perspectives.
- Look back on where you’ve been–sometimes this perspective shows the progress you’ve been making, even though it’s been achieved through baby steps, or even when it feels as though you’ve not been moving at all!
- Recognize that the new route you take may end up being better in the long run than the one you were on previously.
What other ideas do you have? How do you keep perspective even when you’re up against difficult odds or roadblocks? I hope you’ll share your ideas as comments to this post.
If you’re looking for new ideas, you can find many of them in the NEW resources featured on our web site at www.thegraycenter.org/shop! One of the new books in our bookstore is “The Survival Guide for Kids with ADD or ADHD” by John F. Taylor, PhD. It’s a wonderful resource for kids who are learning about their diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder. (It also has great information for their parents, teachers, and counselors). Chapter Two, “Make Each Day Go Better” is a fabulous roadmap for developing detours and incorporating them into one’s daily life! I’m currently working through this book with my son, and he and I both highly recommend it!I’ll close with a quote from pioneering automaker, Henry Ford: “Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.”
Best wishes as you face temporary setbacks and turn them into stepping stones on your journey in parenting, teaching, or growing as an individual!
Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
Creative and Collaborative Problem-Solving
Welcome to a special edition of SUN News–a weekly update for The Gray Center Social Understanding Network!
If you’re like me, you occasionally feel “stuck,” whether you’re facing a difficult choice, a problem behavior, a scheduling conflict, or some other dilemma, big or small.
One of the best methods I’ve used for “getting unstuck” is called SOLUTION CIRCLES (Developed by Jack Pierpoint and Marsha Forest, Inclusion Press). This tool is designed to consider input from a diverse set of people to help a person get “unstuck” from a challenging or frustrating situation. Although it does not guarantee a solution, it is likely that the process will point to the next logical step.
As you attempt to use this strategy at home, at school, or even in the workplace, you will need to assemble a diverse TEAM, including:
1. Process Facilitator (team manager/time keeper)
2. Problem Presenter (focus person)
3. Recorder (note taker/graphic recorder)
4. Amazingly Creative Brainstorm Team
Together the team follows these steps:
STEP ONE: (6 minutes) SETTING THE STAGE
• Process Facilitator: Keeps time and focus
• Problem Presenter: UNINTERRUPTED—outlines the problem, provides pertinent information. Sits quietly when finished talking, using full 6 minutes.
• Recorder: Records information on chart paper.
• Amazingly Creative Brainstorm Team: Listen carefully and quietly.
STEP TWO: (6 minutes) BRAINSTORMING
• Process Facilitator: Keeps time and ensures this is just brainstorming (not lecturing or giving advice)
• Problem Presenter: Listens quietly.
• Recorder: Records information on chart paper.
• Amazingly Creative Brainstorm Team: Brainstorm creative ideas and solutions—no explanations/details, just basic suggestions.
STEP THREE: (6 minutes) DIALOGUING
• Process Facilitator: Keeps time and focus
• Problem Presenter: Leads the dialogue—asks questions about interesting ideas. Ask for clarification or more information.
• Recorder: Records information on chart paper.
• Amazingly Creative Brainstorm Team: Respond with information about the presenters questions.
STEP FOUR: (6 minutes) DECISIONS AND ACCOUNTABILITY
• Process Facilitator: Keeps time and focus
• Problem Presenter: Decide on three steps that are doable within the next three days. Ask for one or more people to help hold you accountable.
• Recorder: Records decisions on chart paper.
• Amazingly Creative Brainstorm Team: Volunteer to call or e-mail the presenter to follow up on the action taken (providing accountability and encouragement).
ENDING: Each member provides a one-word summary of his/her experience. Notice that the entire process takes only 24 minutes—with the end result being that a person who was previously “stuck” now has a plan for moving forward and taking some steps toward being unstuck.
I hope you’ll try this! Your team can include teens, adults, parents, professionals, etc.—the more diverse the team members, the more creative your brainstorming process will be! (This is a great tool to use with an IEP team, but don’t overlook the benefits of including the older student and/or peers!)
If you try using Solution Circles, I hope you’ll let me know about the experience by adding COMMENTS here!
Thank you for the work you are doing to promote social understanding!
Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director
The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding
www.thegraycenter.org
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